The Ramblings of Guise Dugal

Tracking through the quirkies of Ananova led me to some great information. Comic books may be fiction, but just like the technology from Star Trek is becoming apparent today, so the borders between the multiverse are comin’ a-crashing down.

Mole Man banned from home

An eccentric known as The Mole Man has been banned from his home after digging a 60ft network of tunnels beneath it.

William Lyttle, 75, spent 40 years burrowing under his 20-room house, removing 100 cubic metres of earth with a spade and pulleys.

It is now feared the street could give way, reports the Daily Mirror.

Philip Wilman, a surveyor for Hackney Council, told Thames magistrates: “There has been movement in the ground. He’s fortunate a London bus is not in his front garden. It’s liable to lead to catastrophe.”

Ex-electrical engineer Lyttle is staying in a £25-a-night hotel, paid for by the council, after an injunction under the London Building Act which allows the £100,000 repairs to be done.

Work at the house in De Beauvoir, East London, could include flooding the tunnels – big enough to stand up in and dropping to a depth of eight metres -with cement.

(Source: Ananova, 01 August 2006)

So, the nefarious Mole Man, foe to the Fantastic Four, has merged in to our world in the guise of a London pensioner. I always knew those old guys were tricky devils. Seriously, doesn’t this just yell out “Hey, you kids, gerroff my lawn!” :

But where have all good men gone and where are all the gods? Where’s the street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn’t there a…oh, um…

Apparently, there was an attempt of crossover by Johnny Storm into his ‘real world’ counterpart, but it just seemed an unfortunate mishap:

Man uses petrol as cleaner

A man blew up his house as he washed his kitchen floor with a cleaning fluid mixed with petrol.

The fumes were ignited by the boiler in his living room.

The blast blew out the bay window and wrecked ceilings and walls in Ron Cox’s home.

Ron had been using Cillit Bang to get glue off his kitchen floor tiles. But he found it such hard work he thought petrol would help.

Ron was still scrubbing as the fumes wafted through and exploded as they came into contact with the pilot light on the gas boiler.

According to The Sun he said: “I didn’t realise what had happened at first. I couldn’t believe the damage. It was just a cupful. Lucky I was in the kitchen and no one else was in the house.”

He has now moved out of the house in Scunthorpe, Lincs, while it is repaired.

Neighbour Dave Micheson said: “We heard an almighty bang. I rushed round and found Ron shocked but unhurt.”

Dave put out a fire in the lounge and dialled 999.

Humberside fire chief Stuart Spence said: “Ron is very lucky. Nobody should ever try to use petrol as a cleaner.”

(Source: Ananova, 01 August 2006)

Clit Bang went Boom!

I guess as far as superheroics go, we’ll have to rely on technology, luckily we should be able to start our own Way Too Many Clones To Make Sense Of superhero story with a generation of Spidermen Geckomen!

Spiderman suit breakthrough

Soldiers of the future could use special “Spiderman” suits to walk up sheer surfaces and even stick to the ceiling.

BAE Systems has developed a material that closely mimics the feet of a gecko lizard, which can scale vertical glass.

The research is still at an early stage but the firm said “infantry climbing suits” could be made out of the material, giving the troops gecko-like abilities.

A “government organisation” is also interested in using the material for a “particular covert application” connected to surveillance, according to a BAE Systems spokesman.

The gecko’s foot is covered with tiny hairs, which are so small they effectively merge with molecules of things that they touch.

Dr Jeff Sargent, a research physicist at BAE Systems’ Advanced Technology Centre in Bristol, said: “We wanted to mimic this ability.

“We have made a small amount of this material and we have demonstrated that it will stick on glass surfaces to demonstrate that it’s got some potential.

“We have demonstrated we can do multiple attachments with this material – you can stick it down once and stick it down again. Having a Spiderman glove is a long way down the road, but in principle, you might have something like that.”

(Source: Ananova, 26 July 2006)

Hah, take that everyone who comments on hairy, sticky palms as a bad thing. Speaking of sticky, today hundreds of Brits have been taking matters in to their own hands and shook their fist in righteousness against both tabooness and in favour of public awareness on health issues.

The pleasure is all mine

MORE than 250 people pleasured themselves for charity today in Britain’s first “Masturbate-athon”.

Participants from all over the UK queued outside a converted photographic studio in Clerkenwell, central London, to take part in the controversial event.

Organised with the help of sexual health agency Marie Stopes International, the event aimed to raise awareness of safe sex.

Event organiser Tony Kerridge had expected the event to attract protesters.

But he was relieved when only one peaceful campaigner, armed with a small placard, arrived.

Participant Neil Crawforth, 28, left his wife at their home in Cambridge while he came to do his bit for charity.

“I’m not a good swimmer and I can’t run very far, but this is something I can do for charity,” the software engineer said.

Mr Crawforth said he had managed to raise £50 through sponsorship – money that will go towards sexual health charity Terrence Higgins Trust.

Mr Crawforth, who described himself as “shy”, added: “I do not like to talk to people very much, but I compensate by being an exhibitionist.”

Filmed by Channel Four as part of a series of shows dubbed Wank Week, the Masturbate-athon is the first event of its kind in Europe having been exported from the US.

Protester Matthew Bull, 34, said: “I’m offended by the whole thing, not the act itself, but it being such a public event.

“As an Islington resident, I was not asked whether I wanted this in my backyard. I feel it is wrong and should not be accepted.”

Participant Hal Musazlioglus disagreed. He said: “It is masturbating for a good cause. It’s a fun thing to do and isn’t hurting anyone. We are not doing it in front of anyone. It is in a building.”

Inside, there were a number of rooms. Each decked out with comfy Moroccan-style cushions. There were separate areas for men and women, a mixed room and an exhibition area for those who didn’t mind being filmed.

Page 3 girl and pornography star Rebecca Smyth, 26, positioned herself in the exhibition room.

She said: “It is not that unusual for me to do this. I’m not nervous about it at all.”

Organisers hope the event will stamp out the “Tabooness” of the subject of masturbation and encourage young people to use it as an alternative to unprotected sex.

Mr Kerridge added: “With penetrative sex, if it is unprotected we have the risk of STDs, unwanted pregnancies and most worrying AIDS.

“We want to get the public talking about masturbation as one of several alternatives to penetrative sex.”

(Source: The Sun Online, 05 August 2006)

Well done boys and girls. Shaken hands and pats on the backs all round…well, after rinsing of course. Hey, we’re back to Cillit Bang again.