The Ramblings of Guise Dugal

Mini Eggs are like the quail eggs of the candy egg world, small and flavoursome, but only as filling in vast quantities.

What most people don’t know is that the mini egg is actually a pre-maturely laid Easter Egg, one that has not had the necessary interpersonal interaction to make it full of sweet flavour. Mini Eggs tend to be laid by the very young and virginal Easter Bunnies, the shy or the seriously ugly bunny.

Because of the voracious breeding of Easter Bunnies, there are a lot of young bunnies born each year who do not make it all the way through the following few generations, but they are still capable of laying eggs – this is why mini eggs can be found in such great quantities.Due to the advent of proper protection for casual egg making in the bunny kingdom, some eggs may still get a hint of additional sweetness and taste through interaction, without actually fully developing, as such the range of eggs has steadily increased over the years.

For science, I shall raid the basket and sample from this range! (Though, not in vast quantities, this isn’t mad science!)

Cadbury Mini Eggs
(Available in Tube or Bag)
Click on thumbnail to see full size imageThese are the mini eggs that most people tend to think about. The shell pattern with pastel colours and brown spots is reminiscent of a quails egg and they are quite recognisable against imitation, from colour, texture and taste.Mini Eggs have a crisp sugar coating around a solid milk chocolate filling. This gives them a slight crunchy and then the melting creaminess within.

Taste: 4/5
Value: 4/5

Cadbury Creme Egg Minis

Click on thumbnail to see full size imageNo, I’m not talking about the decreasingly small stature of Creme Eggs in the US as compared to the UK version, but the actual real mini egg versions. At least, I thought I was, I can’t be sure!You see, I was very surprised when I opened the fairly small bag of eggs, I had expected individually wrapped tiny eggs, with just a tiny squirt – at most a squit of fondant inside. Instead I find five eggs, that are each about a third of the size of a Creme Egg. The shell bares the normal circles of a creme egg and features a smaller star and the Cadbury logo.

The fondant is quite a bit sharper than usual, and seems to be a think orange colour throughout.

Also available: Cadbury Caramel Mini Eggs. Yus.

Taste: 4.25/5
Value: 4/5

Terry’s Chocolate Orange Mini Eggs

Click on thumbnail to see full size imageTerry’s Chocolate Orange is usually considered a Christmas treat, but usually is not the same as always.The Chocolate Orange eggs are about twice or thrice the size of a Mini Egg, but smaller than a Creme Egg Mini. They are each individually wrapped with very shiny orange foil. The egg itself is a solid chocolate shell, with a textured pattern resembling the surface of an orange segment, with an inner layer of solid milk chocolate with orange flavouring.

The orange flavouring itself is not too strong, but still comparable with the full size chocolate oranges.

Taste: 4/5
Value: 3.5/5

Nestle Milky Bar Mini Eggs
(Available in Tube or Bag)

Click on thumbnail to see full size imageMilky Bar is a white chocolate bar, usually bought by parents for small children as it is much smaller than other chocolate bars and has a creamier taste. Most UK kids of my generation (which, I’m constantly reminded is actually old) grew up on Milky Bars and will always remember the Milky Bar Kid as the blond haired, bespectacled do-gooder who called out “The Milky Bars are on me!”.The Milky Bar eggs are directly comparable to Carburys Mini Eggs, the size of egg is about equal but the tube is a bit longer allowing to fit more inside. The shell is solid candy coating in plain white around a solid white chocolate inside. Truth be told, this actually detracted from the taste and texture of the egg, as Milky Bar is meant to be creamy and soft, so a candy coating got in the way. A better version would have simply been solid chocolate egg.

Taste: 3/5
Value: 3/5 (Bigger tube, but of bland candy)

Nestle Smarties Mini Eggs
(Available in Tube or Bag)

Click on thumbnail to see full size imageNot to be mistaken for the US Ce De Candy fruit-flavoured candy; Smarties in the UK are disc-like candy coated chocolate, more similar to M&Ms though of a larger design.Smaries eggs are another Mini Egg that is directly comparable to Cadburys, more so than the Milky Bar eggs, because these are coloured shells around milk chocolate. The taste is similar to the tast of normal Smarties, a crunch of sugar and milk chocolate, but the flaw is that nestle have never really made milky brown chocolate that tastes quite like one would hope. The chocolate isn’t plain or dark, it’s just rather bland and tastes too much of shell.

It’s still better than the Milky Bar Eggs though.

Taste: 3.25/5
Value: 3/5

Mars Mini Eggs

Click on thumbnail to see full size imageSo, I reviewed the full size Mars Egg the other day and decreed it to kick ass in a very big way, whatever could I expect from a mini Mars?Holy sweet Bunny on a Cross! The mini egg truly is a scaled down version of the Mars Egg, right down to having a fluffy nougat half and a caramel half. The shell is thick enough to be solid and chocolatey, and the indide fluffy and creamy. To take the LOLcat expression, “nums!”. You get over a dozen in a bag, all individually wrapped and even the wrapper and bag kicks ass in looking sophistimacated and smexy.

Taste: 4.5/5
Value: 4.5/5

Galaxy Mini Eggs

Click on thumbnail to see full size imageGalaxy is the true smexy of chocolate, it has a silky smooth texture and creamy taste. Galaxy chocolate, as I have shared to young Dio, is the closest you can get to a bar of chocolate having a very moist orgasm in your mouth, without actually slathering someone in chocolate and roleplaying as Wonka. It is just the glorious.Last year, not only did I have my first Galaxy Mini Egg, but I went so far as to post someone several packs so that they could enjoy the mouthfuck (Gasp, apologies for language). To say I was looking forward to their return is an understatement. Individually wrapped, solid, thick, creamy, silky Galaxy.

That’s it, nothing fancy, just bite size Galaxy in a wrapper. By the Cottonbum of the Great One, NUMS!

Taste: 4.75/5
Value: 4.5/5

Mars and Friends Mini Eggs

Click on thumbnail to see full size imageAre you ready? The Mars Corporation has decided it doesn’t just want to mouthfuck you but offer you a reach-around.Take the nums of a Mars mini, the mouthfuck of the Galaxy Mini and then add in the crisp honeycomb pieces of Maltesers Teasers (not proper maltesers!) and the soft tenderness of the Milky Way (similar to 3 Muskateers, apparently).

Ok, so really they’ve just taken their Celebration pack and made a few of them egg shaped, and to be honest the Teasers and Milky Way are let downs. The Maltesers are more crunchy than crispy, as the honey comb pieces are biscuity, and the Milky Way nougat is very sweet compared to the other eggs. But you do get the Mars and Galaxy together!

Taste: 4/5 (The two additionals bought the score down)
Value: 4.5/5 (If you want a range of tastes and textures, this is your bag)

Kinder Bites and Kinder Bueno Bites

Unfortunately, I can’t actually provide a review for these, as they were so exceptionally expensive, that I just couldn’t afford them. Despite being mostly aimed towards children, the price puts them on the luxury side of the market.

What I can tell you is that no toys come inside these eggs. The Kinder eggs are chocolate eggs with a smooth, nougat-like milk and hazelnut filling, where the Kinder Bueno eggs are similar but include a thin, wafer inner wall to seperate chocolate and nougat.

Tags: Easter 2008