Super Slash Fansite: Monday Night Massacre Results 06-10-08
OMG! Did anyone NOT see the show on Monday. Seriously, it’s hard to believe it’s only three weeks until Halloween Hackfest 2008 pay-per-view. The commentary team of Brain and Beej are already talking up the ordering process (I’m already paid up! Had to use Mom’s Visa and something from the kitty – I chose the spleen!) and hard-selling the already scheduled matches.
Anyway, on to the results, which is why you all come to this site!
Match 01: Christine v. John “The Hitcher” Ryder [Winner: The Hitcher, Incapacitation]
- Fight was broadcast by live feed from the car park outside. In a match much anticipated since “Road to Ruin”, the blood red Plymouth Fury squared off against the blonde haired psychopath. Christine had the speed and weight advantage from early on, but The Hitcher had the agility that the car was lacking, able to dodge all but glancing blows from the car.
Hitcher’s attacks, although consistently on target, appeared fruitless. With the exception of shredding tires, the attacks did little more than give grazing.
Christine managed to smash a Slash Cube to power up her Final Slash, “Maximum Overdrive”, and accelerated for a strike against Hitcher, the attack connected but Hitcher just managed to block enough to avoid a KO, instead being forced under the revved up car.
While underneath, Hitcher managed a thrusting blow with his knife in to Christine’s fuel tank, deep enough to drain her quickly and leave her choking and unable to continue.
Match 02: Dr Giggles v. Dr Hannibal Lecter [Winner: Dr Hannibal Lecter, Knock Out]
- Fight was broadcast by live feed from the ‘Operating Theatre’ stage. A most gruesome, physical display by both contenders, with Giggles slashing and stabbing at Lecter with his scalpel thoughout, while the analyst fought back with bites, gouges and choking.
Neither dominated for the majority of the match, though there were close moments when Lecter managed to land his ‘Mind Fuck’ attack, confusing Giggles enough to free up an opportunity for a heavy combo. Giggles did manage to pull off a combination of his own, while using a bonesaw weapon power-up, which left Lecter bleeding profusely.
The deciding factor came from a trophy assist activated by Lecter, which bought a range of twisted nurses from Alchemilla hospital in to the theatre, the nurses pounded on Giggles until the doctor was unable to continue.
Match 03: Angela Barker (SSB Diva Champion) v. Carrie White [Winner: No Contest]
- Fight was broadcast by live feed from the Cabin Fever section of the ‘Camp Slash’ stage and was intended to be a ‘naughty nightwear’ rules match, much to the protest of many fans who had no interest in seeing ‘doughy’ White and ‘flat-rolled’ Barker slapping each other with pillows and trying to strip each other down from nightwear to underwear. However, a wardrobe malfunction during the match led to a premature suspension of proceedings when it was revealed the Barker may not have been entitled to hold the Diva title in the first place.
Match 04: Talking Tina v. Tiffany Ray [Winner: Tiffany Ray, Incapacitation]
- A fast-paced catfight between the diminutive divas, with the expected levels of slapping, hair-pulling and knife-stabbing one would expect from the female division.
Tina’s lithe frame and agility saw her perform a lot of very successful aerial and gymnastically-inclined attacks, including an amazing Frankensteiner headscissors takedown, which released Tiffany on to a waiting pile of thumb tacks.
Tiffany’s unending animalistic aggression and brute strength won out though, as she painfully took to pulling the limbs from Tina’s sockets, beating her opponent with them and leaving her a lump on the arena floor.
Following this match an announcement was made by broadcast commentator, Brain “The Brain” Gremlin, that Angela Barker had been stripped of the title due to breaching rules and the title was passed to Carrie White.
Match 05: Dr Jack Griffin v. Dr Sebastian Caine [Winner: Draw]
- A mentor versus student match as Hall of Fame and Slash veteran, Griffin, begins his slow wind down on his retirement tour, preparing to hand the legacy of the Invisible Man of the federation to the rookie Hollow Man. A prime example of traditional class, Griffin slowly walked to the arena in his bandages and shades before being joined by the latex ‘bodysuited’ Caine. The two stalked ach other in the arena before the bell started.
Griffin made early use of his cane, landing repeated blows to Caine’s arms, ribs and back, before strutting across the arena. It was this showboating that allowed Caine to charge with a fierce clothesline, almost tearing the head off the veteran.
Caine took the offensive, fielding wild, fast blows to Griffin, pummeling the older man on the floor. Griffin’s rage intensified and the two figures began a tossing-turning between aggressor and victim, with arms and legs flailing as they attacked one another.
After Griffin managed a knockdown, he gave the audience the ‘Unwrap’ signal to a huge pop. Slowly he unwound his bandages and disappeared before them. Caine’s body jerked and twisted, reacting to some form of assault from Griffin. Caine flailed wildly and for moments the attacks stopped, Caine tore away at his own latex covering.
For the next five minutes the referee stood looking puzzled in the seemingly empty arena, and the fans in the stadium began to get jittery. Eventually the match was called to a draw before television time ran out.
And so it begins eh? Can’t wait to see what else you have in store for us! Just one thing though, in the recap of the last fight you switch from Crane to Caine, or the person who wrote the recap did anyway!
Heh, thanks for the heads up…there are too many doctors named Crane as it is!