The Ramblings of Guise Dugal

Arkham Countdown! Arkham Countdown! Arkham Countdown! Arkham Countdown!

Sho: HI!! So, um, Dugal told me I should do an intro today to start this special week off. I’m kinda nervous, but he said it should be…
Guise: Sho…hey…what’s going on?
Sho: Hey, I’m here to introduce the first blog of the week.
Guise: …and you are dressed in a red waistcoat, green swimming trunks and green tights, whhhhhhhy?
Sho: Well, that was Dugal’s idea, he said…
Guise: Sho Taro, what have I, your teachers, the police and the therapists all told you about Dugal’s idea?
Sho: I’m sorry, but he said it would be good to start Bat week off?
Guise: Bat wee….oh my god…OH MY GOD! As you were, my faithful young ward, as you were!

So, to start off the countdown to Batman: Arkham Asylum coming out on Friday this week, I decided to have a little Batweek at home and on (I really need a name for this place).

I thought at first I’d take a look in to the psyche of what it means to be a true vigilante, to right those wrongs committed that strike deep in to the community, to be the kind of person who when the need arises for a true hero will step forth. I wanted to write about people who face danger and excitement at every twist and turn, not fearing violent confrontation as long as greater justice is performed. I wanted to find a shining example of where a man takes crime and turns it into a tool for the betterment of his fellows.

Then I listened to the radio and realised that a story of British vigilanteism is too good to miss.

Please be sure to whistle the iconic 1989/90s Batman tune while reading. You know, danna-daah-dah, danna-daah-dah-dah, Dah-dah.

‘Punctuation hero’ branded a vandal for painting apostrophes on street signs

After enduring sloppy punctuation on the street sign outside his home for more than a year, Stefan Gatward could stand it no longer. The 62-year-old former soldier decided to launch a one-man crusade against ‘dumbed down’ Britain, and picked up a paintbrush to insert a missing apostrophe. This turned the incorrect St Johns Close into the correct St John’s Close.

But he was immediately accused of being a vandal by one neighbour, and his amendments have been scratched off by others who apparently prefer the wrong version.

The 62-year-old’s defence of the apostrophe comes after Birmingham council announced it would scrap the punctuation from council signs for the sake of ‘simplicity’.

Mr Gatward moved into his flat in Tunbridge Wells, Kent, 14 months ago.

He said today: ‘As we are off St John’s Road and opposite St John’s Church, both with the apostrophe, St John’s Close should have one too.’

But when Mr Gatward decided to correct the crime against the language by painting in the missing punctuation mark, he was jeered by a neighbour.

‘He told me I was wrong. He called me a vandal and a graffiti artist,’ Mr Gatward said. ‘He tried to tell me that the Post Office would not deliver to the street if you put in an apostrophe.’

Mr Gatward, who served for four years in the Gordon Highlanders in the 1960s, is not just a campaigner for the apostrophe. He will not join the ‘five items or less’ queue at the supermarket, in protest that the sign should read ‘five items or fewer’. He also gets annoyed when people-neglect the ‘Royal’ in ‘Royal Tunbridge Wells’, and was vexed when he saw a major chain store advertising sales with signs saying ‘until stocks last’ rather than ‘while stocks last’.

‘I fought for the preservation of our heritage and our language but some people seem happy to let that go. I’m not,’ he said. ‘I feel very strongly about the English language. These days people write in text-speak and nobody knows how to use the apostrophe.’

He added: ‘I’m not going to go round with a can of paint and change everything – it would be a full-time job.’

A spokesman for Tunbridge Wells council said that the builders of Mr Gatward’s estate were responsible for erecting the signs, and the council is responsible only for maintaining them. However, developer Linden Homes said any fault rested with the council. ‘The sign was approved by the council, that’s our position on it,’ said a spokesman.

(Source: ‘Punctuation hero’ branded a vandal for painting apostrophes on street signs, Daily Mail, 18 August 2009)

Hero or headcase? You decide!

Of course, if he were a headcase he would be perfect Arkham material, an eccentric gentleman who partakes in criminal activities with a grammatical theme, often going in to a frenzied rage from an OCD-based need to see everything ‘just right’. A cross between the 1960s Batman villain “Bookworm” and an internet forum “Grammar Nazi”. He could even team with the Riddler, due to the enjoyment the Riddler has from the question mark.