OK, Cupid Let’s Make A Match
I read too much in to adverts sometimes. It becomes a habit so frequent that I’m slowly starting to believe that marketing guys are setting up their adverts purely to cause me to spit my own impotent fury on Twitter and in the ear of anyone foolish enough to ask me whether I ‘saw that advert’. Recent ire was raised by the promotion of ‘Bones’ on Sky Living with a message about how hard it is to work especially with family when dealing with two lovers who are about to have a child (really, incest, is that what you’re going for Sky Living?) and a BT advert with potentially the skeeziest geek-with-actually-no-nerd-cred stereotype ever trying to lure and trap a girl.
With this insight you can probably tell I’m single.
I have used a dating site before, but not for dating as I’m not sure I really want to find my life partner who has shared space with part of my browser history, I’ve used it for the online tests and checking my compatability with friends to make sure that our friendship is not based on an elabourate sham that will leave us both hurt beyond words.
With this insight I can tell you how much I detest a certain advert for the Match.com website – not the website I’ve used, by the way.
The advert in question is known best by the song within, ‘Girl on the Platform’, there are different length versions of the advert but the basic premise is a guy sits at a train station and spots a girl on the opposite platform, he then serenades her with his ukelele.
Now everyone, everywhere, picks up on the irony that these two obviously didn’t need a dating website, it has the same sort of smug smart-arse reactions as those who keep on about Alanis Morissette’s ‘Ironic’ – I think we can agree that we all want to punch all those people (except Ed Byrne who did the original and epic stand-up about it).
That’s not what gets me about this advert, there’s a little bit of creative licence with that to show how fate can work, and besides it’s not like anyone is really going to follow up on an advert showing an overweight guy in his underpants eating Sugar Puffs and weighing up options in multiple choice personality tests. No, what gets me is just how the guy is actually just a very sneaky git who may well just as creepy as Sugar Puff Underpants Guy. Let’s watch, shall we:
You see, he already obviously had a rhyme and structure in mind and no doubt he was also looking for an ideal type. He’s everything Criminal Minds warned you about sexual predators and uses every trick from those Be A Player guides. Let’s just break it down a little shall we?
The boy thought that’s the best smile he’d seen for a while
The boy is obviously prepared with his prop here, something the guides always tell you about to help draw attention and make you seem ‘quirky’, he establishes eye contact and then feigns shyness to seem harmless. How can we tell it’s a fake out? If he really was introverted would he be carrying his prop around to help draw attention to himself? No, he’s chosen this spot where he can insert himself in to a random girls day and then if turned down, well, another will turn up later – notice that he doesn’t seem in any rush for a train himself, he probably camps out frequently.
And her skin looked really, really, really great
This might seem like a recovery from a quick gambit, but you have to consider that he’s probably set up a line for every age. It makes you wonder what he would have rhymed 26 with, right? She must have been about 26, and I’d really like to get my hands on her tits? Smooth style you got there, Ukelele Boy, I’m impressed. Though I have to ask who follows the age up with a complement about skin unless they are thinking of rubbing lotion in to it and using it for their ‘pretty body’ catsuit?
But that’s what made him fond of her
He was fond of her because she coloured her hair? Really? So he’s fond of her because she puts the effort into meeting his idealised view of a partner or he has a thing for dye and would have been most disappointed if she’d been natural. Here he was obviously winging it and already considering needing another girl to brovide his bodysuits scalp.
Off to Wigan, the home of pies
With her beautiful beguiling eyes
An obvious lure to find out where she lived, no doubt so that he could work on getting more details later, all he had to do was read off the stops on the trains route and hope to hit lucky. It’s also an obvious set up to get to the line about eyes, a line he has obviously worked on and is proud of, because who doesn’t like hearing about their eyes – Be A Player strikes again. But to use a line about pies is a risky gambit itself, she may be resentful of that aspect of city history or have a gluten allergy – but it pays off and he gets to quickly follow up with his favoured line.
She began to dance, oh, she began to dance
We get here to see his narcissism creep in, his strong sense of superiority, as he lets on that he knows how smart he is and that he is aware that by throwing in his prepared lines he’s managed to tie everything together to appear as a seemless, off-the-cuff improvisation through inspiration and not the formulaic psychological beartrap he’s laid out. He then uses the ‘call to action’, a subtle request to be given a visual cue that he has captured her attention and that she is receptive. It’s no different from getting someone to copy your mannerisms in a business meeting and then getting them to agree with you. It’s pure mindgames and a way of establishing control – a sign of pure domineering personality.
The next thing we know the train is there and the boy gets the resigned look of someone who just lost at a crane game, not the look of someone who just lost the girl of his dreams, but then she’s by his side. She’s taken the bait.
Girl on the platform smiled…it’s the last smile she’d give for a while…
This post reminds me that months ago, I actually created a profile on Match.com. I did it because of a friend kind of bugging me about it, and have made no effort to keep it up to date or even check on it, and ended up forgetting all about it. I think I’m going to go over there now and check to see how it’s going and probably cancel it altogether. Thanks for helping out.
I got addicted to OKCupid’s tests, I’ve done over 1000 of their quizzes just so I can see what percentage match, friend and enemy I am to people. I don’t think I’d ever use it as a basis for actually meeting up with people, I mean I know the type of people that use those sites – people like ME – and I know better than to date myself; I’m a jerk!
[...] If suddenly you find yourself suffering from a gluten allergy you are not alone. It’s importa…nt to learn to live with a gluten allergy and the best way to do that is to understand the allergy. With a gluten allergy your immune system will respond to the gluten which is found in a variety of foods that have the proteins found in cereal grains. The difference between a wheat allergy and a gluten allergy is Celiac a disease of the gastrointestinal tract. Not everyone but a majority of people that suffer from a gluten allergy will develop Celiac which targets the gastrointestinal tract. In fact it wasn’t until recently when it was determined that Celiac was caused by a gluten allergy. Prior there had been no connection made. A person suffering from a gluten allergy must ensure that they have a gluten free diet. When diagnosed with Celiac disease one must ensure that their diet is gluten free to ensure that the problems associated with Celiac are avoided. When a gluten allergy turns into Celiac disease the biggest problem is that it does not just affect the gastrointestinal tract, it also affect the brain causing brain dysfunction, inflammation of the lungs, and arthritis. The classic symptoms that accompanies a gluten allergy that has become Celiac is diarrhea, abdominal pain, and bloating, weight loss, iron deficiency, and malnutrition as a result of not absorbing the nutrient. And that’s just the beginning of what this dreadful disease can do. For example a gluten allergy can actually affect the tissue causing eczema, skin rashes and itching, and it can even cause hives. It can also cause respiratory problems including asthma and it can cause Arthritis will develop in about 45% of those suffering from a gluten allergy that do nothing about it and about 15% in those that change to a gluten free diet. Those with Celiac see an increased risk of esophagus, pharynx, and small intestinal cancer. Fibroid lung disease is also seen at a much higher rate than in those that do not have Celiac or a gluten allergy. Recently studies have shown that a gluten allergy is often combined with a dairy allergy. If you know you have a gluten problem it’s a good idea to replace dairy products with soy products or some other alternative. Be sure to include natural supplements in your diet when suffering from a gluten allergy. There are several things they can do for you. They can replace the nutrients you are missing because of a diet that is gluten free and they can help restore the body to health and build the immune system back up to a healthy state. With a gluten allergy you want gluten free diet will have no wheat, barley, rye in any form. The best diets are made up of foods that are good for you and also foods that taste good. Try to make the changes so as not be depressed by a long list of what you can’t eat. You gluten free diet should be comprehensive. A gluten allergy can be a tough diagnosis to hear but once you know what’s wrong it’s much easier to start making yourself feel better.About the author: Get all the latest information about Allergies from the only true source at http://www.1allergyinformation.com Be sure to check out our gluten allergy pages.Source: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=143605&ca=Wellness%2C+Fitness+and+Diet [...]
I’d have to check with you here. Which is not one thing I normally do! I enjoy studying a submit that will make folks think. Also, thanks for allowing me to comment!