The Ramblings of Guise Dugal

Are You Guise Dugal?

Guise Dugal is not my real name. My real name is much more mundane. My real name is not a secret, it’s just too dull to use.

Guise Dugal has just become the identity I have become accustomed to over more than a decade of use. I have used the name for ‘real  world’ applications and as an online persona in games, journals, forums and most other places I appeared in.

I’ve also used corruptions and anagrams of the name over the years, in order to offer a differing persona for pieces where the Guise mask wouldn’t quite gel.

In some ways I find it ironic that though I use Guise Dugal as an anonymising mask, I also insist on making sure its traceable back to the same person.
Why ‘Guise Dugal’?

Years ago I needed a name for a character in a drama piece in school when I was very young – about 11 or so, long enough that most people around at the time have likely forgotten my existence, let alone a one-shot name.

The character was meant to be a shadowy figure, not evil just jaded and slightly twisted, so I used a baby name book to find Dugal, meaning  Dark, and Guise, as in a mask or facade, so Guise Dugal was ‘facade of darkness’.
Is Guise Dugal Your Real Personality?

Mostly yes and a small bit of no. I pass my opinions and observations through, often with the twist of things that normally I wouldn’t have the guts to say to the public at large. People who know me well would get to see all sides, so Guise Dugal is a fractured view.

You don’t get to see the whole picture. I think most people would see my worst aspects here more than my best!

I think the best explanation is the three online personalities that have come to be assosciated with me. Guise A is the lecherous, depraved, flirty pervert; Guise B is the twisted, scheming, sinister tyrant; Guise C is the one that has guilt trips after the other two have spoken or continue to speak, the one that waits about 3 or 4 years to speak on websites, or joins forums and posts once or twice because of nerves, and can barely speak to people behind shop checkouts sometimes, especially if they are cute.

Guise A will dry hump your leg. Guise B will start discussing twisted versions of your childhood fears. Guise C will be sat in a corner looking in to a half-empty glass of punch, trying to lay low.

I’m a mercurial personality. I’m fairly laid back, often sensitive, I enjoy a good laugh and making sarcastic wise cracks, I can be very repressed and uncomfortable talking about things, while also often being way too horny for my own good. I’m quite prone to selling myself down.

I’ve been told I am cynical and sarcastic, but still witty. I translate that to be ‘a bit of a jerk’. I’m told a get a little twinkle in my eye when I’m having someone on, I will look in to corrective surgery before plotting global domination.

I’m an idea hamster when it comes to doing stuff, I can generate a lot of ideas, but actually implementing them becomes an issue, however it does lead me to go in to multiple topics during a conversation.

What About The Real You?

I’m a still relatively young man, who never seems to grow up. I was born on the 25th of June 1981, which makes me a Cancerian born in the Year of the Rooster, this amuses me because it makes me a Cock with Crabs.

I’m a stiff-assed Brit who has lived his whole life in the area of Weston super Mare and it’s surrounding villages, and who was born in Bristol, UK. I rent a flat with my brother in the centre of Weston, and once lived right on the sea front with beach and bikini views.

I’m single and straight. Though my mind is open to other options – I can definately appreciate hotness – the actual technicalities of method aren’t at all appealing. I have loads of crushes, I crush easily. I’m also quite a terrible flirt to both living things and inanimate objects, like computers.
Wait…Single, So What Do You Look Like?

I look fairly normal, even to the point of dull, in person. I’m occassionaly neat and adequately unfashionable, with a rather rounded figure that I’ve been trying to shift. I’ve got some general wear and tear, but otherwise fully serviceable.

I’ve never been able to grow my hair out and I look bad clean shaven or bearded, so I stick with a goatee to shape my face.

My lower jaw isn’t aligned with the upper, causing my chin and lower face to be further back, and really emphasising my chin ‘bump’, a side result of this is that my teeth don’t align correctly, and if I project the mandible there is a visible gap between the maxillary and mandibular teeth. Most of my molars have fillings. I’m missing two teeth from surgery, one mandibular second molar and one mandibular third molar. I’m missing both maxillary lateral incisors, because my canines actually grew in forward, leaving me with quite noticeable – if uneven – fangs. Strangely, the canines I love. Oh, and yes, thumb sucking stunts and distorts tooth and jaw development (If only the teachers at school had told that, instead of ‘you’ll end up with only a nub left for a thumb’).

I’m too self-conscious to go swimming or be seen most times in just a t-shirt top because of my figure.

I also have more hair than Michael J Fox in Teen Wolf.

Oh, Nevermind, I Wasn’t Interested Anyway…

No worries.

What About Your Beliefs?

I’m not religious, though consider myself open to spirituality. I prefer mythos to religious doctrine; legends to scriptures.

Politically, I’m a Liberal Leftie with strong Right-Wing views. Yes, I’m a bastard for choosing a party to support, but I enjoy opposing. As ruler, my political personality would be Despotism (Industrial/Organised).

I believe in a National Health Service, Free and Subsidised Education and tax for people with high incomes. I support National Identity Cards and DNA databases. I dislike the stupid notions of local governments listing buildings as protected when they could be torn down and rebuilt to something more suitable.

What Do You Do For A Living?

At the moment, I’m looking for work. I’m really looking to work for anybody who can give me a job in either giant death peace-keeping robot mecha piloting or genetically engineering Squirpion armies. I will provide my own hood with eye holes and am willing to attend training courses on maniacal laughter.

My previous jobs included…
June 2007
Admin Assistant. Adult Social Services and Housing Training Development.
Arranging training courses for carers. Office monkey.

September 2000 – February 2007
Admin Assistant. Fraud Investigation Service, Department for Work and Pensions.
Intranet and IT work, taking telephone allegations of benefit fraud, finding out peoples details, clerical and filing duties, technical support on legislation and policy issues, arranging training course for fraud investigators.

September 2000
Retail Assistant. SPAR convenience store.
Working from 8.30pm to 7am as counter clerk and cleaning staff. Handling drunk customers after night clubs kicked out and being threatened by people weilding cucumbers and plastic golf clubs.

September 1999 – September 2000
Admin Assistant. Housing Benefit Processing, CSL.
Processing of Housing Benefit welfare applications for Local Authority contractor.
What About Education?

I was educated to the most average amount that the government will give away for free, or at least half price.

I attended Banwell Primary School, Churchill Community School (1992-1994), Priory Community School (1994-1997) and Weston College (1997-1999). I never attended university.
GCSE English (C – Literature B, Language C)
GCSE Mathematics (C)
GCSE Single Award Science (C)
GCSE Humanities (C)
GCSE Drama (B)
GCSE Psychology (D)
NVQ Application of Number (Level 3)
NVQ Literacy (Level 3)
NVQ Information Technology (Level 3)
GNVQ Advanced Business and Finance (Distinction)

What Are Your…Favourite TV Programmes?

QI, Mythbusters, Braniac, Have I Got News For You, Torchwood, Doctor Who, The Young Ones, Bottom, The New Statesman, Blackadder, CSI, Dead Ringers, Whose Line Is It Anyway, Room 101, Crime Team, The Murder Game, The Mole,  A Bit of Fry and Laurie,  Top Gear, Worst Jobs In History, Mock The Week, Spitting Image, Sentai shows

What Are Your…Favourite Radio Programmes?

The News Quiz, Round The Horne, I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue, The Now Show

What Are Your…Favourite Anime and Cartoon Shows?

The Batman, Teen Titans, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Wolf’s Rain, Full Metal Alchemist, Excel Saga, Elfen Lied

What Are Your…Favourite Books?

The Discworld series (especially Hogfather), Good Omens, X-Wing Wraith Squadron series, The Meaning Of Liff, Worst Case Scenario series, How to Survive a Robot Uprising, Macbeth, Sherlock Holmes

What Is Your…Favourite Music?

I love 80s Music, the cheesier the better and especially if it’s from a movie soundtrack.

Billy Joel, Madness, Arrogant Worms, My Chemical Romance, Scala Choir, REM, Green Day, Garth Brooks, Beautiful South, Housemartins, Matchbox 20, Savage Garden, Maroon 5, U2, Lightning Seeds, String Quartet Tribute, Kaiser Chiefs, Meatloaf, The Who, Offspring, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Polaris, Cyndi Lauper, Jonathon Coulton

What Are Your…Turn Ons In Another Person?

Physical: Bare shoulders and necks; beautiful eyes; smiles; hips

Appearance:  bikinis as undergraments – and on display; cat tails (miao); hair strands over face/eyes; Schoolgirl uniforms; good cosplayers; lollipops; knee length/long socks; glasses (sometimes); Thongs (especially zebra, tiger, white tiger, leopard prints); very long t-shirts instead of dress/nightwear; a single eye-brow piercing (don’t know why, but I think it’s hot)

Smells: Coconut sun lotion; smell of rain (rain-soaked hair, rain-soaked ground); after-shower smell; after-swimming smell; hair smells – especially fruity,  strawberries – taste and smell
 

Traits: Sense of humour – particularly a dark one; Lip biters; squirmers; blushing; nibbling and nibblers; good table manners,
What Are Your…Other Interests?

Visit websites – especially reading blogs; Watching videos on YouTube; Using Photoshop badly; Writing blog entries; Playing video games; catboys and catgirls; Twi’leks; toys; Autons; battle armour; bishojo; bishonen; cybernetics; cyberpunk and steampunk; evil genius and overlord; dream-like faceless figures; giant death robots; human batteries; legends and literary monsters; mad scientists; masked vigilantees; music videos; role-playing games; evil clowns; scarecrows; squirpions; science fiction; webcomics; white eyes and hair; ninjas; zombies