Naked man hospitalized after drinking game leads to prosthetic leg being set aflame

LAS CRUCES, NM
A 47-year-old Dona Ana County man is in a Texas burn center after a drinking game left him nude on the side of the highway with his prosthetic leg in flames.

Sheriff’s deputies learned that the victim and friends were drinking Monday and had made a bet that whoever drank the least would be set on fire, according to a news release.

The victim told investigators that since he drank only six beers, the least amount, he agreed to let his friends set him on fire.

The victim, who has a prosthetic left leg made of plastic, said his friends set his leg on fire, which spread to his buttocks and lower back area, causing severe burns.

Not being able to stand the pain, the victim disrobed. His friends then decided to take him to the hospital but became “nervous and dropped the victim off” on U.S. 70, the release said.

Witnesses reported seeing an individual walking on a U.S. 70 bridge with his leg on fire. Another witness reported that the victim was naked, while other witnesses reported that the victim was struck by two cars and even attempted to jump into passing vehicles as well into the path of an oncoming tractor-trailer.

When questioned by deputies if he had asked his friends to stop at any point in time while setting him on fire, he stated “no, he lost the bet” and therefore did not attempt to stop them.

The man was taken from MountainView Regional Hospital to a Texas burn treatment center.

(Source: Naked man hospitalized after drinking game leads to prosthetic leg being set aflame, Las Cruces Sun News, 09 July 2010)

Having been a young and impetuous youth I can appreciate bar bets that involve eating strange foods, making passes at the ugliest girl/boy/dubious gender/animal mascot in the bar or stripping off, running the circuit of the Disneyland Paris hotel you are staying in and then returning to find that your roommates have passed out in the room with the door locked.

I often wonder how some of these bar bets can reach this stage, especially after so few beers are consumed, where the idea of immolation becomes a totally awesome idea. I also wonder how this can happen with a 47 year old, and all I can think is that the redness of the flame is only matched by that of the neck.

Personally, I think that they should have gone for a theme with the drinking game though. If the end result is someone is going to be set alight, then all the drinks should be those that are bought out aflame. This might have something to do with me getting a case of giggles about the idea of a bunch of middle aged to elderly rednecks getting out of their rusted pickup trucks, entering a bar and ordering flaming sambuca.

I have to admit though, if I ever had a limb replace, the temptation to set fire to a prosthetic body part as a joke or bar bet would always be present. Difference would be, I’d be doing it planned, and then solving the problem by throwing the affected appendage away by making it look like I ripped it from the socket.

…but that’s just me…

It’s a hard life being a member of faerie folk these days, especially for those Lords and Ladies of Irish descent it would appear. Leprechauns have always had a reputation for being mischievous and sneaky – a sort of squat ninja with a whoppee cushion and stale whisky breath – but recently these crafty little characters have taken to being a lot more anti-social.

I’m sure an educated fellow with a university degree in socio-economic theory and ethno-politics in folkloric culture would be able to provide a detailed analysis of reasons behind this, but as I don’t happen to have one of those fellows around I’ll just have to resort to tabloid measures. So, I think this is in part down to the effect of the exchange rate between Elven Gold and the Euro, as well as global warming affecting frequency of rainbows.

Unsurprisingly, like the mundane people of the world, when the chips are down the Fae have started to walk on the wrong side of the tracks and have taken to lives of crime to support themselves.

Boulder Police Investigate Lewd Leprechaun

BOULDER, Colo. — The first call came in around 1 p.m., as Boulder police were told about a man dressed as a leprechaun doing weird things in a grocery store parking lot. When police arrived at the King Soopers at 30th Street and Arapahoe Avenue, they found the leprechaun had vanished.

“He was jumping between cars, using his finger like a gun and he was also flipping people off,” Boulder police Sgt. Fred Gerhardt said. Firefighters who were shopping at the grocery store saw the man and called it in.

A security person at King Soopers said he looked through the store’s surveillance video and the man was not captured on security cameras.

The leprechaun was described as bald with a green jacket and was “dressed like a leprechaun,” according to Boulder 911 dispatcher.

Police treated the case as more of a welfare check, but at this point it appears they’ll need a lot of luck to find him.

(Source: Boulder Police Investigate Lewd Leprechaun, The Denver Channel, 30 June 2010)

It’s no shock that the police have been able to catch him, when everyone knows that part of the magical nature of leprechauns is that they are only ever caught out of the corner of the eye and able to turn invisible as soon as you take your eye off of them.

This may seem no worse than your typical chav or teenage brat, albeit much shorter and more likely to be drunk on Guinness than on cheap cider or special brew, but it’s only the tip of the iceberg and – dare I say it – the top o’ the morning.

Leprechauns, you see, were also the shoe makers to the Fair Folk, but with all the economic problems in this world even the most trendy pixies are starting to cut back on their footwear shopping. This also hasn’t been helped by the cheap knock-off shoewear that is made abroad using Azizi labour.

With the decrease in business, leprechauns are finding it harder to fill their saving pots, they have to make their money somehow. Sadly, this has led to an increase of leprechauns being involved in more violent or threatening crimes.

Leprechaun shot dead in St. Patrick’s Day shootout

A man dressed in green and carrying a large-caliber gun held up a branch of the First State Bank in the Nashville suburb of Gallatin on Wednesday, said police spokesman Sergeant Bill Storment.

The costumed man – wearing a green top hat, vest and shorts and a fake brown beard and wig – had previously gone into the Fifth Third Bank next door, according to its manager Sharon Riehemann, when the bank lobby was crowded with lunchtime customers.

‘He started to come in, then looked at his watch, then turned around and left,’ she said. He then walked toward the other bank, and then a couple of minutes later he ran out of the bank with a blue bag in his hands, Riehemann said.

Police said two men were in the car that sped away, and that they fired at police during the chase, disabling one police car. Storment said the two ditched their vehicle and ran into a field near a subdivision. They were killed while exchanging fire with officers, he said.

No officers were injured, and money was recovered from the suspects’ vehicle, he said. There were no injuries at the bank. Storment said police are still trying to identify the two men.

The case was reminiscent of the December 22 robbery in Nashville when a man dressed in a Santa suit – including hat, beard and moustache – held up a SunTrust Bank, demanding money from the teller at gunpoint. No arrests have been made in that case.

(Source: Leprechaun shot dead in St. Patrick’s Day shootout, Metro, 18 March 2010)

So now you know the risks, I hope that you will all be careful out on the streets and I can only hope this doesn’t strain leprechaun/human relations or lead to an increase of cops unfairly profiling innocent leprechauns. I’d highly advise using increased caution when trying to get Lucky Charms, because you’ll never know who is packing heating and who is packing clovers.

Eyeborg: Canadian Rob Spence replaces eye with video camera

Rob Spence, a Toronto-based film-maker, lost his right eye in a shooting accident on his grandfather’s farm when he was a teenager. Now 36, he decided some years ago to build a miniature camera that could be fitted inside his false eye. A prototype was completed last year, and was named by Time magazine as one of the best inventions of 2009. He calls himself “the Eyeborg guy”.

The eye contains a wireless video camera that runs on a tiny three-volt battery. It is not connected to his brain, and has not restored his vision. Instead it records everything that he sees. More than that, it contains a wireless transmitter, which allows him to transmit what he is seeing in real time to a computer.

The current model is low resolution, and the transmitter is weak, meaning that Mr Spence has to hold a receiving antenna to his cheek to get a full signal. But a new higher-resolution model, complete with stronger transmitter and a booster on the receiver, is in the works. He says: “Unlike you humans, I can continue to upgrade.”

The eye was built with the help of Steve Mann, a professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and an expert in “cyborg” technology – the blending of natural and artificial systems with technology. Mr Spence also has a version with a red LED light in the eye, like the robot from the Terminator films.

As a film-maker, Mr Spence wants to use the camera to record “truer” conversations than would be possible with a handheld camera. “When you bring a camera, people change,” he says. “I wouldn’t be disarming at all. I would just be some dude. It’s a much truer conversation.”

His subjects would only become aware that they were being filmed after the conversation was over. Then he would give them a chance to sign, or not sign, a release form permitting him to use the footage. He says: “There’s ethical issues with that, but I am a filmmaker. If you’re averse to it, that’s fine, don’t sign the release form. I won’t put you in the documentary.”

(Source: Eyeborg: Canadian Rob Spence replaces eye with video camera, The Telegraph, 02 July 2010)

I have to say that I have an auto-worship for anyone who has a creative mind, whether it be film-making, drawing or technical geekery, but there is something about Mr Spence that throws him on to my “OMG, this guy is awesome” list. Let’s just review a few of the best aspects of this clipping:

[He] decided some years ago to build a miniature camera that could be fitted inside his false eye. / [It] records everything that he sees. More than that, it contains a wireless transmitter, which allows him to transmit what he is seeing in real time to a computer. / As a film-maker, Mr Spence wants to use the camera to record “truer” conversations than would be possible with a handheld camera.

The very fact that the guy had the chain of thought that leads to “well, I have this empty socket and my camcorder is kinda heavy…heeeeey” is in itself brilliant. I can appreciate this view as it’s the sort of process that lead to me choosing between handsfree camera kits and spyglasses – but instead of just doing it for boring vlogs, Mr Spence is doing it for serious business.

He does raise a very good point about interviewing people as well. There have been many times I’ve recorded someone who delivers lectures in front of thirty or forty, but who starts to clam up or change style as soon as a camera is brought in.

It does of course raise the issue of what happens in areas where filming is not allowed. Having myself been told off for filming in a shopping area, and having seen videos where police have been called in to stop people filming in train stations, I wonder what challenges may come of this.

He calls himself “the Eyeborg guy”.

Indeed his Twitter handle is Eyeborg and it’s a wonderful play on words. As far as names based on the persons visualising attributes goes, I hope it becomes as widely acclaimed as He-Man’s Tri-Klops, Blinky the Three-Eyed Fish, Eye-ful Ethel and the legendary phenom that is Photog.

He says: “Unlike you humans, I can continue to upgrade.”

That statement alone increases his awesome score to over nine thousand.

Mr Spence also has a version with a red LED light in the eye, like the robot from the Terminator films.

Because if having a camera eye was not great enough on its own, then the only way to improve is to have a brightly glowing red orb pulsating at anyone foolish enough to stand before you.

German throws puppy at Hells Angels bikers then flees on bulldozer

A German student created a major traffic jam in Bavaria when he made a rude gesture at a group of Hells Angels, hurled a puppy at them and then escaped on a stolen bulldozer.

The 26-year-old drove into the grounds of the motorcycle gang members’ clubhouse north of Munich on Sunday, according to reports in local media.

The young man, who was not identified, then dropped his pants, threw the puppy, and then fled.

After making his getaway, he stole the bulldozer from a construction site, and attempted to drive it to Munich. However, it was not fast enough, and his snail-like pace caused a 3-mile traffic jam near the southern town of Allershausen, according to a report in the English-language newspaper The Local, which cited the daily tz.
He then fled to his home nearby where he was apprehended by the police.

“What motivated him to throw a puppy at the Hell’s Angels is currently unclear,” said a spokesman for local police. He said the student had lately been suffering from depression.

The puppy was now in safe hands at a local animal shelter, the spokesman added.

(Source: German throws puppy at Hells Angels bikers then flees on bulldozer, The Telegraph, 15 June 2010)

Ok, so a guy walks straight in to a Hells Angels bar? Gutsy. Same guy moons a bunch of bikers? Tough. Same guy steals a bulldozer as a getaway car? Hardcore! Same guy threw a puppy at the bikers before making his escape? Wait, what?

The real question I want to find an answer to is the breed of dog used for the puppy grenade. A basset hound, with all it’s flappy skin, would have too much resistance in motion that it might even fly backwards. Breeds like golden retrievers or labradors don’t really seem that threatening as a projectile weapon. I’d also think that stocky breeds like a bulldog or st bernard would be a hard throw, and great danes or dachshunds would have a difficult pitch.

To me I think the logical choice is something small and compact, probably a yappy breed – chihuahuas seem to fit the bill – but I wouldn’t discard a long-eared breed like a King Charles spaniel, enabling a two-handed toss over the head for a maximum distance.

Of course, we can’t let those pesky Germans get away with all the explosive animal bio-weapons, and so I propose the next logical step: the Molotov Cat-tail. That’s right, the Molotov Cat-tail, just pitch one of our highly trained kittens at your opponent, the Cat-tail will bond with the opponent using high-tech Cat-tail Latching Adhesion Widgets (C.L.A.W.’s) and then begin a furious shredding action resulting in deep pain and burning sensations.

For an added bit of fun, if you look at the photo credit on the Telegraph site, I’m sure you’ll be amused (thanks, Rex, have a Bonio).

In this way, there are people who get noticed for the things they do and the inspiration they give, most of the time they are given a gentle mock or others are given accolades, but still their existence is cherished for that little bit of extra fun they bring to the world.

I was saddened this week to hear of the passing of a very interesting gentleman who had been featured on this blog twice for his exploits. Mr William Lyttle from Hackney, otherwise known as the Mole Man, passed away in the accommodation he had been moved to after being evicted from his home. Rather sadly the news didn’t reach me by an obituary or any profile piece, but seeing an article on The Guardian website looking for people to divvy up his estate too.

Mr Lyttle came to national (and indeed worldwide) notice after he dug a series of tunnels under his £1m home, which caused a 8ft hole to appear in a nearby pavement. Hackney Council would later find a web of tunnels and caverns, some 26ft deep, spreading up to 20 metres in every direction from his house.

Mr Lyttle is one of those people that I wish that I had the skill, the resources and the luck to have been able to get to know more of, as even in his comments following eviction seemed to create such a character and charm. The Guardian newspaper reported:

For his part, William Lyttle denied that he has burrowed under his neighbours’ homes, although he admitted to more than 40 years of “home improvements” on his own land. He told the Guardian the council’s efforts to prevent him from re-entering his property breached his human rights.

“I first tried to dig a wine cellar, and then the cellar doubled, and so on. But the idea that I dug tunnels under other people’s houses is rubbish. I just have a big basement. It’s gone down deep enough to hit the water table – that’s the lowest you can go.”

His face lights up when he relates stories about holes under the towpath on Regent’s canal or secret underground train networks. “I once dug a little tunnel out into the road for the cameras. But that’s it,” he insisted. “Tunnelling is something that should be talked about without panicking.” The metre-wide openings seen by the few people who have descended down the shaft in his back garden, he said, were shadows
(Source: After 40 years’ burrowing, Mole Man of Hackney is ordered to stop, The Guardian, Tuesday 8 August 2006)

If you want to read a little more about Mr Lyttle, my blog entries on the subject are News Of Heroes And Villains…Across England! and Arch-villain Mole Man Fined.

For those not from the UK, and indeed a vast proportion of the UK who are tabloid readers or didn’t pay attention in class (which given the numerous conversations I’ve had recently is a staggering number), I do feel the need to point out something that might come as a surprise: we are not voting for a Prime Minister.

This may come as a surprise to those who are used to an electoral system where you vote for central government directly, but it comes more of a surprise to people who expect on election day to see the leaders of the political party on their ballot sheet.

Some of you may recall that I posted a brief overview of Government in my entry Ministers in the UK – not just toffs and princlies (April 2008). Well, the General Election is used to vote for the Member of Parliament for your specific area (constituency), each MP is given a seat in the House of Commons and the division of seats is what determines who is the ruling party (or parties, in the event of a Hung Parliament where coalition is needed).

It’s actually rather shocking how many people I know who can’t name at least two candidates standing for MP in this constituency, or even who our current MP is. It isn’t that we don’t have an active MP, but that people just don’t find a reason to know. People seem to concern themselves with the National Picture, something for which we have very little effect upon.

If you consider that the largest constituency in the UK could vote unanimously on one candidate in full support of the party behind them, but the end result would be one seat, a set fraction of Parliament.

We’re also prompted to vote on local issues, because that is really all a local MP can affect, but then there’s very rarely a correlation between the party we’d trust to look after our local community and those we want running the national economy.

We also don’t get to vote on laws, and I put this in solely for those few who mentioned the Propositions that get tagged on to US elections. I rather like the idea of the public vote on legal issues, even if completely ignored by policy makers. I don’t believe the people should be the determining factor – I’ve seen some of the Prop’s that got passed stateside – but if it was a factor or could be used to garner support and awareness, I’m for it.

The Liberal Democrats have for some considerable time wanted to instigate electoral reform, including a form of proportional representation – which, as Wikipedia helpfully puts it, is aimed at securing a close match between the percentage of votes that groups of candidates obtain in elections, and the percentage of seats they receive.

Personally, I’d like to be able to hold two votes in an election, a local representation vote to elect my local MP and a proportional representation vote to elect the governing party.

As I said on Twitter recently, it feels like the election in the UK is going the way of hairstyles. You have a choice of parting your hair on the left or right (depending on which of the current two major parties you prefer), having a combover (voting the LibDem, using the fresh alive follicles to provide enough cover) or skinhead (scary thought, but there’s a likelihood we may see the BNP win seats this year). I kinda want ‘bed head’ by this point.

You see there are plenty of parties in the UK elections, many very well established and several hundred independents, all with their own policies and manifestos. here are some examples to help you:

• Labour – The current Government. Traditionally representing Working Classes until they actual got power and became New Labour and changed from socialists to socialites under Tony Blair. Compare to the way the senate gave power to a Chancellor from Naboo who then changed a Republic Senate into a Galactic Empire. Then Blair left and left Gordon Brown in charge.

• Conservatives – The current Opposition (this being basically the official runner-up). Traditionally representing the Middle Classes and London taxi drivers who wear thick gold chains around their neck. They seem to have softened since the Thatcher era, with a soft-spoken leader of the party who whenever you seem him feel a sense of reassurance that whatever policies he may put forward you could probably take him down easily in a barfight.
• Liberal Democrats – For eons the LibDems have existed as the comic relief for the electoral process, always coming in third place and providing a foil. Frequently managing to squirrel seats and hamper plots. Something, somewhere changed that though – personally I believe it was when they made Charles Kennedy party leader. Sadly they later sacked him for being far too interesting and likable, they weren’t ready for that big a step – and currently the LibDems actually look like they might gain quite a bit of influence. Some pundits are even saying that they could ‘win’ with a Hung Parliament. Compare this to TVTrope’s The Scrappy.
• Green – The environmentalist party, if they join a Hung Parliament I am hoping that in the first meeting of the House of Commons to hear the following:
  “EARTH!”
  “FIRE!”
  “WIND!”
  “WATER!”
  “HEART!”
  “Go Planet!”
  “By your powers combined, I am Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs!”

• Official Monster Raving Loony Party – Yes, it’s a proper party that has won local elections before and it has had ‘proper’ policies, such as: Refusing to sign up to the euro, but inviting the rest of Europe to join the british pound; Drivers can go straight over a roundabout when there’s no traffic coming “to make driving through Milton Keynes more fun”; Traffic cops “too stupid” for normal police work to be retrained as vicars; Withdrawal of MPs’ expenses allowance to “in future be distributed to the poor and needy so that they can waste it instead”; The introduction of a 99p coin to “save on change”.
• British National Party (BNP) – Oi, immig’ants owt. Comin’ over here doing our jobs…on time…for an agreed reasonable price…how dare you!
• UK Independence Party (UKIP) – Oi, us owt. A party dedicated to getting us out of Europe.

As you can see, with so many parties and the system so broken apart for representation in Parliament it is very hard to seize control in the UK through a democratic process – it is also not within the British mindset to hold a bloody political coup, in the mad days of Northern Rock’s banking collapse people furiously queued to withdraw their money and the only violent projectiles ever aimed at our MPs tend to have first exited a chickens behind.

I’m hoping it’s not impossible though, because I want to be elected to power. I have a manifesto with policies, I have a vision and I reckon I could free up a few hours a week to run the country as the tyrannical Primary Malevolent Benevolence.

So, look over the page for my policies and remember to vote!

Sho: HI!! So, um, Dugal told me I should do an intro today to start this special week off. I’m kinda nervous, but he said it should be…
Guise: Sho…hey…what’s going on?
Sho: Hey, I’m here to introduce the first blog of the week.
Guise: …and you are dressed in a red waistcoat, green swimming trunks and green tights, whhhhhhhy?
Sho: Well, that was Dugal’s idea, he said…
Guise: Sho Taro, what have I, your teachers, the police and the therapists all told you about Dugal’s idea?
Sho: I’m sorry, but he said it would be good to start Bat week off?
Guise: Bat wee….oh my god…OH MY GOD! As you were, my faithful young ward, as you were!

So, to start off the countdown to Batman: Arkham Asylum coming out on Friday this week, I decided to have a little Batweek at home and on (I really need a name for this place).

I thought at first I’d take a look in to the psyche of what it means to be a true vigilante, to right those wrongs committed that strike deep in to the community, to be the kind of person who when the need arises for a true hero will step forth. I wanted to write about people who face danger and excitement at every twist and turn, not fearing violent confrontation as long as greater justice is performed. I wanted to find a shining example of where a man takes crime and turns it into a tool for the betterment of his fellows.

Then I listened to the radio and realised that a story of British vigilanteism is too good to miss.

Please be sure to whistle the iconic 1989/90s Batman tune while reading. You know, danna-daah-dah, danna-daah-dah-dah, Dah-dah.

‘Punctuation hero’ branded a vandal for painting apostrophes on street signs

After enduring sloppy punctuation on the street sign outside his home for more than a year, Stefan Gatward could stand it no longer. The 62-year-old former soldier decided to launch a one-man crusade against ‘dumbed down’ Britain, and picked up a paintbrush to insert a missing apostrophe. This turned the incorrect St Johns Close into the correct St John’s Close.

But he was immediately accused of being a vandal by one neighbour, and his amendments have been scratched off by others who apparently prefer the wrong version.

The 62-year-old’s defence of the apostrophe comes after Birmingham council announced it would scrap the punctuation from council signs for the sake of ‘simplicity’.

Mr Gatward moved into his flat in Tunbridge Wells, Kent, 14 months ago.

He said today: ‘As we are off St John’s Road and opposite St John’s Church, both with the apostrophe, St John’s Close should have one too.’

But when Mr Gatward decided to correct the crime against the language by painting in the missing punctuation mark, he was jeered by a neighbour.

‘He told me I was wrong. He called me a vandal and a graffiti artist,’ Mr Gatward said. ‘He tried to tell me that the Post Office would not deliver to the street if you put in an apostrophe.’

Mr Gatward, who served for four years in the Gordon Highlanders in the 1960s, is not just a campaigner for the apostrophe. He will not join the ‘five items or less’ queue at the supermarket, in protest that the sign should read ‘five items or fewer’. He also gets annoyed when people-neglect the ‘Royal’ in ‘Royal Tunbridge Wells’, and was vexed when he saw a major chain store advertising sales with signs saying ‘until stocks last’ rather than ‘while stocks last’.

‘I fought for the preservation of our heritage and our language but some people seem happy to let that go. I’m not,’ he said. ‘I feel very strongly about the English language. These days people write in text-speak and nobody knows how to use the apostrophe.’

He added: ‘I’m not going to go round with a can of paint and change everything – it would be a full-time job.’

A spokesman for Tunbridge Wells council said that the builders of Mr Gatward’s estate were responsible for erecting the signs, and the council is responsible only for maintaining them. However, developer Linden Homes said any fault rested with the council. ‘The sign was approved by the council, that’s our position on it,’ said a spokesman.

(Source: ‘Punctuation hero’ branded a vandal for painting apostrophes on street signs, Daily Mail, 18 August 2009)

Hero or headcase? You decide!

Of course, if he were a headcase he would be perfect Arkham material, an eccentric gentleman who partakes in criminal activities with a grammatical theme, often going in to a frenzied rage from an OCD-based need to see everything ‘just right’. A cross between the 1960s Batman villain “Bookworm” and an internet forum “Grammar Nazi”. He could even team with the Riddler, due to the enjoyment the Riddler has from the question mark.

But as I munch on my cod and chips, because that will be the type on offer, another fish is trying to get itself back on the market. Like a lot of people who try to find someone to nibble on them hungrily and devour them with feverish enjoyment, the fish in question has tried to change it’s image to become more attractive.

It isn’t a case of buying new cologne, in fact it still smells the same, and although it has changed its packaging to a more artful and stylish wardrobe, it hasn’t really changed that much of it’s look. No, instead it’s changed its name to something that people don’t mind saying out loud. But then, if your name was Pollack, you probably would too.

Pollack rebranded as Colin by Sainbury’s

Supermarket giant Sainsbury’s has re-named a type of fish Colin because customers are too embarrassed to ask for pollack.

The chain is promoting the seafood in the run up to Easter, as it tastes similar to cod and is more sustainable.

Ten stores will stock pollack in limited edition packaging designed by Red or Dead founder Wayne Hemingway, and inspired by artist Jackson Pollock.

But instead of the English name, it will be called Colin – the French word for hake, another member of the cod family.

Pollack is far more popular across the channel.

Mr Hemingway said: “As a keen fisherman it seems daft that pollack isn’t more popular, particularly when it’s readily available off our own coast, tastes great and is cheaper than cod.

“Image really is everything; so to help Colin stand out on-shelf we’ve used bold, bright colours and a design that is cheekily inspired by another well-known pollack (artist Jackson Pollock).”

Sainsbury’s said pollack is priced at £9.90 per kilo, while cod costs £11.49 at its stores.

Sales of cod increase by nearly a third during Easter weekend, a supermarket spokeswoman said and in March outstripped sales of pollack by 52,904 to 3,947.

Haddock was even more popular than cod with 98,722 units sold.

The specially designed packets will be stocked in 10 branches in the following locations: Islington, north London; Shrewsbury, Shropshire; Hove, Sussex; Hull, East Yorkshire; Maypole, East Midlands, Winterstoke Road, Bristol; Coldhams Lane, Cambridgeshire; Pound Lane, Norfolk; Archer Road, Sheffield; Marsh Mill, Plymouth.

(Source: Pollack rebranded as Colin by Sainbury’s, 06 April 2008, The Guardian)

This wouldn’t normally be something I’d care about, other than the amusing notion of changing a name of something basic to make it more appealing, but there was just something about the story that won me over: the ability to turn it so simply into innuendo.

Point to prove was on Facebook where the following took place after I posted a status on the topic. Name slightly changed to protect, because I never asked permission to copy (and mine because I can).

Facebook status: Guise hears that Colin tastes like cod, thats the load of pollacks Sainsburys are feeding us anyway…
A: what’s a pollack? hmmmm….
Me: Something slimy, salty and off-white in colour
A: man sperm?
Me: that was the first thing that came in to your head, hm?
A: yes, actually it really was. I’m not going to deny it.

Huzzah!

“Colin and chips” sounds wrong though, “Cod and chips” and “Pollack and chips” are good.

In the real world, or at least this one, fungi is currently wiping out frog species across the world. Batrachochytrium dendrobatidis is apparently the leading suspect in an amphibian genicide plot, but this post doesn’t link to any Italian-Americans, but more to the Scottish.

You see, the Scottish are not just trying to preserve certain species of frog, but may actually be planning some much more sinister.

Fife aquarium breeds deadly frogs

A frog so poisonous that it can kill up to 200 people has been successfully bred at a Fife aquarium.

The golden arrow poison dart frog secretes toxin from its skin, which is used by south American tribesmen to poison their blow-gun darts.

The amphibian is under threat in the wild due to loss of habitat and pollution in its native region of Chaco in West Colombia.

Deep Sea World in North Queensferry has now bred nine of the frogs.

The centre’s breeding programme will play an important role in protecting the species by reducing the number of frogs being taken from the wild for captivity.

Scientists believe the frogs produce their chemical arsenal by metabolising toxins contained in their prey – mostly insects, ants and other invertebrates.

Michael Morris, Deep Sea World aquarist, said: “These beautiful frogs are under increasing threat in the wild due to loss of habitat and pollution and we are delighted to have been able to breed them successfully here in Scotland.

“It’s imperative we are able to mimic exactly their wild environment in order for the species to thrive in captivity and it’s a real achievement they are breeding so successfully.

“They’ve passed the critical stage of development from tadpoles into froglets and they now look like perfect miniature replicas of their parents.”

There are about 70 different species of poison dart frogs found throughout the rainforests of central and south America.

Loss of habitat threatens their long-term survival chances and captive breeding programmes are being set up worldwide to try and safeguard their future.

Despite their deadly status, it is hoped that the golden arrow frog could one day help save lives.

Medical researchers are developing muscle relaxants, heart stimulants, and anaesthetics made from the frogs’ toxins which have the potential to become a far more effective and less addictive alternative to morphine.

(Source: Fife aquarium breeds deadly frogs, BBC News, 18 March 2009)

The guise of furthering medical advances has been used so much as a cover for destructive means, from Umbrella Corporation to VersaLife scandals. I’m sure you will agree that the only logical conclusion to this is that the Scottish are sneaky and breeding a bio-weapon – a bio-weapon for which they know how to eradicate afterwards.

When the world is looking to exterminate with laser beams other things that can kill us, why else would any country look to increase the number of another species that can have a more direct and imminent threat to life.

As the article points out, these creatures are ‘so poisonous that [they] can kill up to 200 people’, which is much more effective than most suicide bombers and with training from the Scottish regiments and Glaswegian alcoholics it’ll have tremendous hand-to-hand and weapons training. It already has stealth skin for covert missions.

What’s more, once released the threat of these Kermit Kill Squads is total. Similar to Zombies in a bustling metropolis, the frogs will be in their element, with the whole island spread out before them in an ever damp, dank and dark field of battle.

I am now left to wonder whether a Scottish variant of InGen was involved in this debacle, and just like they used frog DNA to make dinosaurs, they also used frog DNA to make, well, frogs. If so, and with their tendency to always lose a few of their creations, then it might just explain the mutant discovered in the local area back in 2004.

Our only hope is to find a natural predator. We need a creature that will be able to hunt and consume every last creature before the destroy our population. We need…the French.

Oh man, we’re boned.

Over a year ago I made a small promotional video that some of you might remember. DugalCorp had designed a device to assist people in ridding themselves of bees, wasps and other nuisance creatures: The Tac-B-Boom. The Tac-B-Boom was designed as the first tactical nuclear deterrent to garden annoyances, with a promise that one missile with mid-yield warhead would obliterate all nuisance within a 1.25 mile radius, as well as taking care of other annoyances such as neighbours overhanging shrubs and yapping dogs.

It seems that either I was ahead of my time, or that scientists are ripping off ideas from DugalCorp through Science Ninja Teams skilled in corporate espionage, and damn them for putting it to some silly little ‘sensible and helpful purpose’. They give doing thing For SCIENCE! a bad name.

‘Star Wars’ scientists create laser gun to kill mosquitoes

Scientists in the U.S. are developing a laser gun that could kill millions of mosquitoes in minutes.

The laser, which has been dubbed a “weapon of mosquito destruction” fires at mosquitoes once it detects the audio frequency created by the beating of its wings.

The laser beam then destroys the mosquito, burning it on the spot.

Developed by some of the astrophysicists involved in what was known as the “Star Wars” anti-missile programs during the Cold War, the project is meant to prevent the spread of malaria.

Lead scientist on the project, Dr. Jordin Kare, told CNN that the laser would be able to sweep an area and “toast millions of mosquitoes in a few minutes.”

Malaria is a life-threatening disease caused by parasites that are transmitted to people from the bites of female mosquitoes.

It is particularly prevalent in tropical and sub-tropical regions of the world and kills an African child every 30 seconds, according to the World Health Organization.

There are an estimated 300 million acute cases of malaria each year globally, resulting in more than one million deaths, the WHO reports.

Responding to questions about any potential harm the laser could pose to the eco-system, Kare said: “There is no such thing as a good mosquito, there’s nothing that feeds exclusively on them. No one would miss mosquitoes,” he said.

“In any case,” he added. “The laser is able to distinguish between mosquitoes that go after people and those that aren’t dangerous. What remains to be seen is how precise we can get.”

He added that other insects would not be affected by the laser’s beam.

Kare said the lasers could be mounted on lamp post-type poles and put around the circumference of villages, to create a kind of “fence” against mosquitoes.

The research was commissioned by Intellectual Ventures, a Washington, U.S.-based company that was founded by Nathan Myhrvold, a former Microsoft Corporation executive.

His previous boss, Bill Gates, who funded the research, asked Myhrvold to look into new ways of combating malaria.

(Source: ‘Star Wars’ scientists create laser gun to kill mosquitoes, CNN, 16 March 2009)

“There is no such thing as a good mosquito”, for me that line needs to be said while rubbing or wringing ones hands together, head bowed and face shadowed except for the eyes and smirk. The idea of tiny mosquitoes flying through a perceived impenetrable field of targetted lasers with a sweep-and-destroy programming is none-the-less cool.

Though I’m not sure I agree with their removal of the ability to create giant mutant monsters as a side effect.