For those not from the UK, and indeed a vast proportion of the UK who are tabloid readers or didn’t pay attention in class (which given the numerous conversations I’ve had recently is a staggering number), I do feel the need to point out something that might come as a surprise: we are not voting for a Prime Minister.

This may come as a surprise to those who are used to an electoral system where you vote for central government directly, but it comes more of a surprise to people who expect on election day to see the leaders of the political party on their ballot sheet.

Some of you may recall that I posted a brief overview of Government in my entry Ministers in the UK – not just toffs and princlies (April 2008). Well, the General Election is used to vote for the Member of Parliament for your specific area (constituency), each MP is given a seat in the House of Commons and the division of seats is what determines who is the ruling party (or parties, in the event of a Hung Parliament where coalition is needed).

It’s actually rather shocking how many people I know who can’t name at least two candidates standing for MP in this constituency, or even who our current MP is. It isn’t that we don’t have an active MP, but that people just don’t find a reason to know. People seem to concern themselves with the National Picture, something for which we have very little effect upon.

If you consider that the largest constituency in the UK could vote unanimously on one candidate in full support of the party behind them, but the end result would be one seat, a set fraction of Parliament.

We’re also prompted to vote on local issues, because that is really all a local MP can affect, but then there’s very rarely a correlation between the party we’d trust to look after our local community and those we want running the national economy.

We also don’t get to vote on laws, and I put this in solely for those few who mentioned the Propositions that get tagged on to US elections. I rather like the idea of the public vote on legal issues, even if completely ignored by policy makers. I don’t believe the people should be the determining factor – I’ve seen some of the Prop’s that got passed stateside – but if it was a factor or could be used to garner support and awareness, I’m for it.

The Liberal Democrats have for some considerable time wanted to instigate electoral reform, including a form of proportional representation – which, as Wikipedia helpfully puts it, is aimed at securing a close match between the percentage of votes that groups of candidates obtain in elections, and the percentage of seats they receive.

Personally, I’d like to be able to hold two votes in an election, a local representation vote to elect my local MP and a proportional representation vote to elect the governing party.

As I said on Twitter recently, it feels like the election in the UK is going the way of hairstyles. You have a choice of parting your hair on the left or right (depending on which of the current two major parties you prefer), having a combover (voting the LibDem, using the fresh alive follicles to provide enough cover) or skinhead (scary thought, but there’s a likelihood we may see the BNP win seats this year). I kinda want ‘bed head’ by this point.

You see there are plenty of parties in the UK elections, many very well established and several hundred independents, all with their own policies and manifestos. here are some examples to help you:

• Labour – The current Government. Traditionally representing Working Classes until they actual got power and became New Labour and changed from socialists to socialites under Tony Blair. Compare to the way the senate gave power to a Chancellor from Naboo who then changed a Republic Senate into a Galactic Empire. Then Blair left and left Gordon Brown in charge.

• Conservatives – The current Opposition (this being basically the official runner-up). Traditionally representing the Middle Classes and London taxi drivers who wear thick gold chains around their neck. They seem to have softened since the Thatcher era, with a soft-spoken leader of the party who whenever you seem him feel a sense of reassurance that whatever policies he may put forward you could probably take him down easily in a barfight.
• Liberal Democrats – For eons the LibDems have existed as the comic relief for the electoral process, always coming in third place and providing a foil. Frequently managing to squirrel seats and hamper plots. Something, somewhere changed that though – personally I believe it was when they made Charles Kennedy party leader. Sadly they later sacked him for being far too interesting and likable, they weren’t ready for that big a step – and currently the LibDems actually look like they might gain quite a bit of influence. Some pundits are even saying that they could ‘win’ with a Hung Parliament. Compare this to TVTrope’s The Scrappy.
• Green – The environmentalist party, if they join a Hung Parliament I am hoping that in the first meeting of the House of Commons to hear the following:
  “EARTH!”
  “FIRE!”
  “WIND!”
  “WATER!”
  “HEART!”
  “Go Planet!”
  “By your powers combined, I am Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs!”

• Official Monster Raving Loony Party – Yes, it’s a proper party that has won local elections before and it has had ‘proper’ policies, such as: Refusing to sign up to the euro, but inviting the rest of Europe to join the british pound; Drivers can go straight over a roundabout when there’s no traffic coming “to make driving through Milton Keynes more fun”; Traffic cops “too stupid” for normal police work to be retrained as vicars; Withdrawal of MPs’ expenses allowance to “in future be distributed to the poor and needy so that they can waste it instead”; The introduction of a 99p coin to “save on change”.
• British National Party (BNP) – Oi, immig’ants owt. Comin’ over here doing our jobs…on time…for an agreed reasonable price…how dare you!
• UK Independence Party (UKIP) – Oi, us owt. A party dedicated to getting us out of Europe.

As you can see, with so many parties and the system so broken apart for representation in Parliament it is very hard to seize control in the UK through a democratic process – it is also not within the British mindset to hold a bloody political coup, in the mad days of Northern Rock’s banking collapse people furiously queued to withdraw their money and the only violent projectiles ever aimed at our MPs tend to have first exited a chickens behind.

I’m hoping it’s not impossible though, because I want to be elected to power. I have a manifesto with policies, I have a vision and I reckon I could free up a few hours a week to run the country as the tyrannical Primary Malevolent Benevolence.

So, look over the page for my policies and remember to vote!

Perhaps emulating the Captain Planet villain, Sly Sludge, a new contender has stepped out and only the anal retentive, ‘more than my job’s worth’ attitude of council staff can save the day!

Father fined for overfilling bin

A father-of-four has been left with a criminal record for overfilling his wheelie bin by four inches.

Gareth Corkhill, 26, of Whitehaven, Cumbria, received a £110 fixed penalty notice after Copeland Council staff photographed his raised bin lid.

When he refused to pay he was taken to court where magistrates added a further £115 to the fixed penalty.

Copeland Council has defended its actions and pledged to continue to take action against overfilled wheelie bins.

Mr Corkhill, said: “First I heard of it was from a neighbour who said someone had taken a picture of my wheelie bin, but I thought nothing of it. Two days later two enforcement officers turn up on my doorstep wearing stab vests, read my rights and then issued me with an on-the-spot fine. I recycle and all my boxes are always full.”

Mr Corkhill, who shares a house with his partner and three children and also has a child from a previous relationship, said the authority recently switched from weekly to fortnightly refuse collections, but added that the supplied bins were not big enough to cope.

He added: “I could not believe I had been fined for putting rubbish in a bin. I tell my kids not to throw rubbish away and always use a bin.”

Whitehaven magistrates convicted Mr Corkhill in his absence of overfilling a receptacle used for waste.

In a statement the council said: “Copeland Borough Council will continue to crack down on the problem of overflowing bins, which cause problems for local residents and in the battle to reduce waste. It is important that we all reduce the amount of waste we send to landfill. We can do this by recycling more of what is in our bins, and we would advise anyone who has a problem with too much waste to look at what can be recycled.”

(Source: Father fined for overfilling bin, BBC, 22 April 2008)

So, what this tells us is that a council decided instead of using its financial resources to keep a weekly rubbish collection, would instead make people fill one bin and spend the money to send camera-weilding environmental vigilantees to track down any bins that were ajar. Not if the bin was overflowing to the point of litter hitting the street, but if the lid was propped up.

Zero tolerance, it’s the only thing these dastardly fiends will understand! Next time, send him to work in the slave mines of the local landfill using a hand magnet to find any discarded tins. Thank heavns they arrived in stab vests, because this is surely psychopathic behaviour being displayed.

The Power Is Yours!

Or, you know, use some common sense in that four inches of gap between bin lip and lid is hardly going to make a staggering amount of difference, especially if the guy is already recycling and if the additional refuse is actually remaining contained.

Considering it’s only been in the last few years that councils have actually decided to offer a recycling collection (though, not for every material – my local one doesn’t recycle plastic, cardboard, envelopes, food and drink cartons) and before that were quite happy to load up the landfills.

I think they should open landfills up to scavengers, financial incentives to people who find set weights of metal and glass. Fireworks displays over the methane pockets, or use the ignitable gases to power the council.

Politics is something I have more than a passive interest in, what with being formerly employed in governmental work and planning to rule the world with an iron fist. I realise though, that it can be quite confusing when I comment about things like “local authority” or “council” for the actual scale of impact to be recognised by those not natively familiar with the layout of power in this country.

I thought therefore that I’d provide a snapshot, albeit undetailed, of how things work in theory in this country from the top down.

Central Government or Parliament

The one in control of the nation as a whole and all it’s actions. Parliament is made of two houses, the House of Commons and the House of Lords. The Lords are appointed by previous and current governments, whereas the Commons is made up of democratically elected Members of Parliament (MPs).

Everybody in the Commons, including the Prime Minister, is a currently elected official. All MPs represent a consituency, and there are 646 constituencies in the UK, with each constituency being a subdivision of a (now somewhat outdated since legislative changes) borough council area. Larger cities may have multiple MPs to represent their population (for example Bristol East, Bristol South, Bristol West, Bristol Northwest, and Kingswood are all part of Bristol), while some small rural areas may be grouped together to elect a single MP (for example the MP for Weston-super-Mare, was voted for people from the town and from the villages of Kewstoke, Locking, Hutton, Banwell, Winscombe, Congresbury, Churchill and Blagdon, and several smaller villages).

Although there is some change between areas, and there is no minimum or maximum stipulated requirement, the avarage population of a constituency is around 74,000.

Whereas an MP is usually elected on a local basis, they serve nationally as part of their position. The role of the MP in Parliament is to act as a representative voice of the people. They vote on laws, debate on practices and policies, and raise issues of local and national interest. They can also help to work out personal issues with central government offices, such as problems with local schools or welfare queries.

Of note here, is that the ruling party (the party that forms Government) is made from the party with the majority of seats (elected MPs) in the House of Commons, with the second most forming the official opposition party. Therefore, if you voted for an MP on a local issue, you also by default voted for their party on a National scale. Your votes are only recorded in that election for the MP, not for Government as a whole. This can, at times lead to tactical voting, to try to improve national standing of a party, or for voters to choose either to vote solely on a national or local level.

Parliament MPs of the Government can become Ministers. Senior ministers form the Cabinet, often having the title Secretary of State, and hold direct oversight of a specific branch of the Government, for example Health or Education. Their departments may also include junior ministers, or Minister of State, and even junior ministers, Parliamentary Under-Secretaries of State. For example, the Department for Health consists of Secretary of State for Health (Cabinet member); the junior ministers Minister of State for Public Health, Minister of State for Health Services; and three Under-secretaries.

Central government adminsters most of the benefits, welfare and tax credit payments in the country. They get their money through the various taxes, such as Income Tax, National Insurance contributions, Road Tax and Value Added Tax (Sales tax).

Local Government or Local Authorities, Councils

Local Government is where things get a bit stickier, because the local aspect holds two types of tier (depending on the area). One type of tier contains three levels, that of County, District and Parish; whereas the other is Unitary and Parish. A Unitary council simply merges the County and District together to form a single entity, and operates at it’s highest at County level.

Therefore, one County Council may have many District Councils, who themselves have many Parish Councils. A Unitary councils will just have multiple Parish Councils.

As the name suggest, a Parish Council originally came from the churches parish, or holding, though boundaries have changed in a lot of the original parishes. A parish council will often represent a village, they can become town councils by making a resolution to say they are responsible for the upkeep of local facilities (parks, playgrounds, public toilets, street lights, village halls, footpaths, cemetaries), consultation on local planning decisions and sponsoring events.

Parish councils have elected Councillors, mostly volunteers from the local community, and receive a precept funding from the council tax (a tax on the value of your home, not income) paid by the residents to the District/Unitary council that the Parish falls under.

The higher councils, for example Unitary and District, offer increased services to the public, most of which are stipulated by central government as a required, or statutory, provision of the council. These services include, but are not limited to: police and fire service; recycling, refuse collection and street cleaning; leisure facilities and parks; tourism; planning and developments; facilities and grants for disabled, the elderly and children.

District Councillors are also elected by their wards (areas within the District) and get paid an allowance for the job, which they get to vote on pay rises to.

Local Government administers Council Tax benefit (which actually is a deduction from a bill, not a payment) and Housing Benefit (used for people on low income to pay their rent).

An MP does not hold sway over a local authority, and any matters pertaining to their operation is instead directed through the Councillor elected by the ward of the resident.

Applied Example

So, for me, I am currently safe-housed in Weston-super-Mare, that means I am overseen by:

Local Services and Government
Weston-super-Mare Town Council (Parish Council, led by Town Mayor/Council Leader and Councillors)
North Somerset District Council (Unitary Council, led by Council Leader/Chair and Councillors for each ward)

National Services and Government
Weston-super-Mare MP (Constituency Representative to Government)
Parliament (National Government)

A final word from Boris Johnson MP