If you were reading back at Christmas time you may recall that I started and never managed to finish the Great Advent Rip-Off story. Suffice to say, I survived that dilemma and managed to not become a rabbit permanently. I do regret not finishing it, but I know that I don’t have the time or inclination to go back and writing up all the rest of it, just as much as I know that I wouldn’t want to leave it until later to finish. I did have the suggestion given to me to leave it until Christmas 2010 and continue the story, but I can’t tell that I wouldn’t just get through five entries and burn out again.

Instead, I thought I’d give my thoughts and feelings on the Playmobil Advent Calendars from my experience. Before Christmas, I bought four different Playmobil calendars with the intention of opening them each day and running a story. Most people only saw three of the calendars, but I actually got: Woodland; Cops and Robbers; Fairy Tale, and; Pirates. I only got as far as opening up to Day 5 on all but Pirates, which itself remains unopened.

What is the Calendar?

Getting a Playmobil calendar is a bit like getting the old LEGO bucket o’ bricks, but instead of knobbly blocks you get random figures and miscellaneous items. It really is a crapshoot at times, because you can end up with a cool new character or an obscure shapeless thing that will have to wait for another box to open to make sense – commonly this is things like branches to trees or something from a farmyard.

Whilst this might seem frustrating and, at times, cheap by Playmobil, it is actually surprisingly good value as far as helping kids build up a collection of toys. Single figure Playmobil can cost close to £5, but the Advent Calendar costs £10-15, usually includes two or three figures plus twenty odd bits of kit.

As an example of what you get for your money, this is a list of what was in each of the calendars:

Cops and Robbers: 1x Criminal figure, 2x Cops figure, grappling hook and briefcase, axe and torch, gold coins, walkie-talkie and gun, a dog, 2x nightstick and handcuffs, a street light, a ‘wanted’ poster, a pedal bike, a wheelie bin, a kitty, a raven and three mice, a hat, a barricade, barricade lights and a megaphone, stopsign and traffic cones, a motorbike, a helmet and ‘stop’ paddle, a toilet and sink, a bench and accessories.

Fairytale: 1x Fairy Woman, 2x Fairy Child with wings and hats, magic wand, doves, copious amounts of flowers, parasol, shrubs, shrub archway, pond, frog and lillypad, flower basket, butterflies and net, unicorn, carriage, gold chest, mirror, shells, giant clam shell.

Woodland: 2x Patch of ground, birds, a big tree, 2x pine trees, feed box, baby deer, doe, reindeer, baby raccoon, big raccoon, boar, baby boar, baby badger, badger, mice, fox cubs, fox, vegetables, a row boat, Santa.

Pirates: 1x Pirate captain, 1x Pirate, palm tree, monkey, booze barrel, bucket and pan, tools, map and weapons, dead tree, hammock, a dog, a parrot, lantern, roaring fire, cannon, sea life, message in a bottle, row boat, treasure chest, gold chest, gold coins, flag and compass, kitty.

As you can see, this is actually a quite nice amount of loot from a calendar and much better than the miniscule, unfulfilling chocolate you’d get in a traditional calendar.

Setting up the Calendar

The builder will need to fully open the box and then using the cardboard dividers, fit together a grid pattern inside the calendar box. The instructions in the box will then show which pieces go where, and provide diagrams to show how to assemble pieces so that kids get things pre-made.

This is probably the bugbear of the calendar, in that all the work has to be done by the person giving the calendar. It is a real shame that Playmobil couldn’t have come up with a way to sell the calendar pre-set and ready to go.

As previously mentioned, there is also a cardboard backdrop that can be made up, but because it is made of flimsy cereal box card, it doe have a habit of bowing and flexing – an attribute that makes it very difficult to get things to stand up on.

Verdict

Despite the set-up hassle, this is an excellent idea and very good value for money. It’s got the advantage of being a lasting Christmas in itself, as every day is a new toy. It might seem a bit more of an expensive option than a traditional, cheap chocolate calendar, but it’s healthier and it feels much more magical and meaningful.

Anyone with young children, I’d highly recommend getting one of these calendars when they come out ahead of Christmas 2010. Even if I don’t write anything about them this year, I’m certainly going to be fighting to get them again.

Just after Easter last year – yes, almost a year back now – Amy from over here (and obviously the X-Entertainment following) sent the second Ominous Box from the States. This box contained all manner of goodies and treats, each individually wrapped in copious amounts of Sesame Street gift wrap.

As it is nearing Easter once more it only seemed fitting that my first ‘defeating procrastination’ post should be about Ominous Box II and its contents. You may recall that I covered some of the stuff in the post Ominous Box 2?! back in July, which included some YouTube vloggery, but now it’s actually experiment time!

Book o’ Quotes

I love quotes. Seriously, I love being able to find those short one or two sentences said by someone that so succintly summarises a feeling or event, the kinds of quotes that can amuse, inspire or emotionally affect you. I have about a dozen themed quote books and dictionaries of quotations, as well as my own Quotefile that someday I will put online to be shared for amusement. I suppose it could be in part why I love Criminal Minds, in addition to great cast and characters, enthralling storylines, mental disorders and violent crime, they also feature great quotes.

I’m not sure how Amy knew about my quote love, but she included a book of quotes which her accompanying note alluded to me needing cheering up. I know I can be morose at times, hard to read other times and manic on occassion, so no doubt this will come in hand.

There are some wonderful and inspiring quotes in the book and it is a truly great repositry.

Easter Stickers

Little pictures of bunnehs and duckies that adhere to surfaces, is there anything cuter in the world? Well, maybe little bunnehs and duckies that can be placed on velcro walls for easy storage, and then removed for snuggles. Sort of an Emergency Cuddle Zone, with cushioned floor and detachable wall fuzzies, and a regular shipment of Kittens in a Box.

Optimus Prime Mini-Kite

I haven’t tested the kite out yet, mainly because my kite flying experiences are comparative to those of Charlie Brown. Whenever I try to fly a kite, it drags on the ground until it’s torn apart from twigs and stones like condemned prisoner being drawn behind a horse. On the rare occasions I can get it up – the kite that is – it has a habit of finding something to snag on to, if we’re on a deserted beach in the middle of nowhere, it’ll pull a palm tree out of Hammerspace just to snag itself.

Egg Painting Kits

Unlike the real Easter Bunnies who lay pre-decorated shells – a result of their bizarre cultish breeding habits and psychotropic mushroom use, which basically leaves the female bunnies with a tie-dying womb and a conception that is less teachers aid video and more Hunter S. Thompson trip – Americans seem to enjoy taking time with children to apply paints and stickers to hens egg. Sadly, I didn’t buy any eggs, so I’ll have to try this another time.

The kit does seem pretty good though, with paints and brushes and even egg holders included.

Easter Bunny Growing Pet

A bunneh from an egg, the first homebrewing method of genetic engineering. I was all prepped and ready, with a bowl of water beside me, I dropped the egg in the water. Sadly, it does take 3-5 days for the egg to hatch, so we’ll have to come back to it later.

It is slightly amusing that there’s a warning label not to swallow it. Not a warning to parents that there’s a choking hazard, but a warning to people old enough to read and comprehend. No wonder Kinder Eggs are banned in the US.

The egg hatching actually took a week to finish completely, and I took a few shots throughout:
21 March

22 March

23 March

27 March

Candy Spinner

How best to describe this? Actually, the best way to describe this has already been considered awkward and embarrassing, but here goes: a battery operated device with a rabbits head at the top that when switched on lights up and vibrates. Yeah.

Actually, what happens is that there is a bulb at the top with a two-sided disc featuring a duck on one side and a rabbit on the other, around the side of the disk are a number of small LED bulbs. When you press the button on the side, the disk spins and the LEDs light up, but because of the motor inside the whole thing shakes. But honestly, given that, what would you expect me to say about it?

The spinner also contains ‘tart candy disks’ inside, and although they had a very tart immediate taste, once it subsided there was no taste anywhere to be found. But by god was the first moment of tongue touching tart, it was like licking a 9V battery. Mmm.

I couldn’t not put the three Bugs/Daffy Hunting Season Trilogy here when talikng about this little thing though.

Wonka Golden Egg

I wasn’t sure what to expect with the Wonka egg, because it could have been anything from solid chocolate to fondant or caramel, but for that matter it could have contained dog meat or crickets. I knew it was unlikely to have the latter, but given both Wilder’s and Depp’s portrayal of the confectioner I wouldn’t have deemed it impossible as an officially licensed product.

As it happens, the egg was a solid wall of Nestle chocolate – not that damnable Hershey’s crock – and a thin lick of caramel against the inside wall. It was scrumdiddliumpcious.

Baby Ruth

Hey, you guuuuuys! Ok, I really couldn’t say about the Baby Ruth without a Goonies reference. You see the Baby Ruth doesn’t exist in the UK, it’s another one of those peanutty candies that just never make it over here, but that doesn’t stop us from knowing of its existence, even if no-one would be able to tell you what it is. One of the main reasons I think so many people know is from watching The Goonies, where the Baby Ruth was probably the ultimate tipping point – it’s the redeeming Anakin moment or the Dhalsim in collapsing building.

Amy had sent through a Baby Ruth baseball that contained two funsize candy bars and I honestly had no idea what to expect. Opening the candy though, it became apparent that it was a nutty little number. Lumps and bumps all over.

My god it was delicious though, with such soft nougat and chewy peanuts and chocolate that actually tasted like chocolate.

Candy Popsicle

I haven’t actually tried it, but it seems like a form of Chupa-chup or Push-pop solid candy with a strawberry flavour. It’s leading gimmick though seems to be that you can split it in half to share, which is nice in a Barney sort of way.

Jaws Jelly Beans

Ok, so it isn’t actually a licensed Jaws product, but the name seems to fit. A plastic egg with a shark face decal and inside was a bag of teeny jelly beans. The jelly beans were surprising, they smelt strongly of the overly scented cheap candy shop in the local knock-off market, really strong and sweet but entirely generic. Strangely though, the jelly beans tasted like proper ‘gourmet’ beans, especially the Cherry red ones. Nom nom nom.

Candy Carrot Container

Yay, now you can look like you are eating healthy while actually stocking up on generic gum. I actually love this container just for the cheesy Easter tie in, one step removed from the Easter Bunny but close enough that you still ‘get it’. I can see the advertisments where the Bunny pulls them out of his vegetable garden and carrying them away. Unless the Easter Bunny is Georgia, then we alllll know what happens to the carrot.

Light Up Candy Pacifier

For some reason I thought this was a gummy when I first saw it, but it is the normail solid candy. A lovely red happy bunny with facial features that lights up when you press a button on the pacifiers hilt. I’m assuming it is called a hilt, maybe it’s a handle? Hilt or handle, the whole thing lights up. It’s not the best tasting, a little sour and a ‘manufactured’ after taste, but the level of detail is nice and it does light up!

Wind-up Gum Crapping Chicken

An actual Hubba Bubba gum laying hen that walks around. The process is simple, you load the egg-shaped gum in to the hen by twisting it’s head off and then slowly putting a maximum of five eggs inside, you wind it up and it walks around with eggs flicking out its back.

There are a few drawbacks though. The first is obvious, no-one is really patient enough to individually load each piece when the bag is open and contains a lot more than five pieces. The second is that the gum flings out and bounces and rolls, kids would have to be fast to make the ‘five second rule’ of food recovery.

Oh, and the gum is solid after a year. Crrrrunch.

Marshmallow Creatures

This was the big experiment. How well would marshmallow animals be after a year? The hardest part to answer for that was comparitavely, because I hadn’t tasted what they were like before and so couldn’t tell what they were meant to be like. Undaunted, I picked up one of the pieces and bit in. The mallow was thick and chewy, like a Flump marshmallow and tasted pretty good, it tasted ‘yellow’ which was sort of like vanilla and banana, but only the type of vanilla and banana that doesn’t exist naturally.

Still, yummy and chewy.

In summary:

Thank you, Amy, for a lovely gift. I’m sorry it took a while to cover it all, but I really wanted to dedicate time to it in proper depth.

(Revision: 19 June 2010. Found pictures of the Egg Hatching, photos added to main section)

Now, some might consider that this is down to having only recieved two Valentines cards in the past twenty years, since the age of eight was the last time that kids did the ‘cards for everyone’ before realising that the cards were meant to be targetted. Some might also think that it’s because I’ve had three people in the past dump me in the days directly leading up to Valentines day. Those people aren’t actually right on this occassion, but lets all thank them for dragging that nasty business up.

In part I don’t like Valentines Day because it is a lazy excuse to hold sentiment and feeling, with a lot of people only ever actually making an effort to make a gesture once in the year. I use the term effort lightly too, because in most instances this takes the form of purchasing a mass-produced card and signing it without any thought to even an additional message, a box of cheap standardised chocolates that have been directly marketed as “show someone you care with chocolates” usually accompanied by a sign reading “50% off”, and taking the valentine out for a meal somewhere that took bookings for private romantic meals amongst other couples enjoying private romantic meals. I even know people who will make the one effort on Valentines Day, but will do nothing else ‘romantic’, even on special occassions like birthdays.

But maybe that’s me. I’m the type of guy who writes messages in Christmas cards, who buys gifts for people just because ‘it made me think of you’, and who thinks you can make an adventure out of anything as long as you really want to.

Another reason I don’t like Valentines Day is because of the siren song of a small, smug-looking, morkish troll with a fuzzy caterpillar stapled to his forehead to look like a bushy monobrow. A song that hypnotises the weak-willed like a Pied Piper and makes them believe the song is ‘their song’. It’s a song that floats through the air and sets of the cringe gland in all men.

As I put to my friends on Facebook, and seeking advice from my friend Tink: is there a legal defense where a man is allowed to open fire in a crowded area if he’s been subjected to having heard Lady In Red over 30 times in one day and then has Chris De Burgh’s morkish face, smug grin and caterpillar-stapled-to-the-face monobrow imprinted on his brain?

Lady in Red is one of the evilest songs ever. I’m not saying it is a bad song, just that the majority of its benefits have been corrupted over time by its popularity and its ability to burrow in to emotional centres like a parasitic lice and form a symbiotic relationship with its host. Most of its hosts are noticably middle- to old aged ladies who wear supermarket underwear, smell faintly of the combination of cabbage and lily of the valley, and who actually appreciate Oil of Ulay as a Christmas gift despite the fact that anyone giving it is basically confirming your feelings that you have ‘signs of aging’ to hide. I’ve heard a lot of people say that it is ‘their song’, though mostly its the women in the relationship that say this.

Couple of times I’ve pressed on this, and most of the time the girl involved will have some personal instance where she felt the song described her and that it was therefore their song as a couple, though the guy couldn’t remember. Funnily, and before anyone states that guys don’t have sentimentality, the guys will often have a completely different song. The thing is though, a guys version of ‘their song’ tends to be based on things like: the song to that movie we went to on our first date; that song that was always playing on the radio when we were going out; that song she always sang or hummed; that song that always reminds me of her.

I’ve had a guy tell me that it was ‘their song’ because it was played at the wedding reception. I asked if it was the song used for the first dance? No. Was it put on at special request? No. What was she wearing at the reception? Wedding dress. What coulour was it? White. Ohhhhkay. It’s popular pulp, it gets played at every reception, every Valentines dance (where at least a percentage will be wearing red for it to be relevant), at every 10+ anniversary and at at least one funeral I’ve attended.

One of the things that gets me about the ‘deep meaning’ people see, is that I think I view it at an askew angle. To me, the song is more about the dress than the lady, because it almost seems that no-one (including the narrator) even noticed the lady before she wore this stunning dress, and then like Cinderella or any coming-of-age sitcom with a ‘plain girl’ she magically becomes stunning and everyone wants to know her. ‘Never saw you looking as lovely as you did tonight’, is hardly a testament to seeing the real depth. There also doesn’t seem to be anything more than bragging about having the trophy lady, it’s all about appearance and other guys not getting ‘a little romance, given half the chance’.

Yet still it persists as one of those songs that gets piped through shopping centres, played by my neighbours loudly, sung by drunks and uncles and drunken uncles, and used to disguise inadequate and awkward sex in hotels.

To me, I find more emotional depth in songs like Cyndi Lauper’s “True Colours“, any version of “The first cut is the deepest“, Savage Garden’s “Truly, Madly, Deeply”and to the more sweating end of the spectrum “I touch myself” and “Hallelujah“, but then I’m not the target audience. De Burgh wasn’t trying to woo me, something for which I shall be eternally grateful.

But just one message to guys out there, do something nice for the one you love at Valentines – make it last through the year.

So, final question: Do you have a ‘our song’, what is it and why?

So, a rather unofficial Saturday Night Thread, but I’m doing a movie marathon tonight and thought I’d try to blog throughout it as the night progresses. Wine, gift wrap and chocolate to be had. Feel free to drop a comment and join in.

19.00 GMT
Garfield Christmas Special

19.20 GMT
Garfield found the meaning of Christmas! Yay, Garfield! I seem to remember it being longer than 15 minutes or whatever, think I romanticised the Christmas special in to a magical extravaganza and not just Garfield’s Deliverance Family Reunion (with snow).

Gonna go make popcorn and decide what’s next!

So, there’s another confession I need to make. I’ve never really had the chance to watch any Rankin Bass animated movies, so I guess tonight is a chance to fix that!

19.30 GMT
Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer

20.30 GMT
Huzzah for Rudolph. Who knew that a parasitic infection in the nasal passages leading to inflammation would prove so much benefit, and fair play to a guy with the nasal equivalent of crabs or tapeworm to get a girl. Though male reindeers are meant to lose their antlers during winter, does keep theirs, so what does that say about the relationship?

Anyway, half hour til a Criminal Minds double feature…so, I’m gonna drink and gift wrap, be back after psychopaths!!

23.00 GMT
And we’re back!!

23.05 GMT
The Year Without Santa

23.50 GMT
Good old Jingle and Jangle. Realising that I’m going to have to do a few more marathons before Christmas and, so unfortunate, consume more alcohol. Gonna find one more film to watch and finish off second bottle of wine. Got a lot wrapped tonight, which is nice.

00.10 GMT
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

02.15 GMT
Waiting for Matt at X-Entertainment to post the Saturday Night Thread. I’ve got a quilt laid out on the new sofa, lights off except the tree, pj’s on, a big mug of Aero hot choc, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and A Christmas Story a-waiting. I’ve never seen A Christmas Story, so this is Kind Of A Big Deal.

Guise: …now in the morning I sleep alone, sweep the streets I used to oh-oh-own…

Guise: Man, this place is dead. It’s like start of Resident Evil: Apocalypse dead or The Stand dead…or Gary Glitter Daycare Centre dead. There’s lights on everywhere but no-one is about. I’m not even getting run down in the middle of the road by some idiot in a used Fiat, what kind of town is this?!

Guise: I guess there’s no harm in going down a dirty, dimly lit back alley then. Nothing bad could suddenly happen when there’s no-one around to help…

????: I definitely look like Mulder right now. I’m rocking the Fox look. I know it. I feel it. Well, Playmobil gods, it’s time to solve your mystery of today! Doo doo doo doo doo doo, Doodede doodede doodede doodede deh.

????: That’s right Agent Smashy, we’ll crack this case wide open. You just look pouty whilst I ramble.

????: So, Agent Smashy, what do we hav….Holy Jingling Bells Below The Waist!!! I can’t believe it!! This means we…I…OH MY GOD!!! It’s all here!!!

????: I gotta stash this away before anyone notices. I can’t take the risk.

????: I can’t believe it, I just can’t believe it. After all we went through…I’d wondered if maybe the other guys had gotten away with it, cut me out…but this changes everything. I need to find the guys, they’ll know what we need to do…maybe we can still get this in time, maybe our ship will finally come in!

????: There’s no time to lose. I’ll just have to make a run for the border and hope security don’t spot me or have patrols waiting.

????: Well, that was anti-climactic. You mean I could have just left the calendar anytime. The gods suck.

Guise: …cos I know what it me-ee-ee-eans, to walk along the lonely street of dreams…that was anti-climactic. Wandering the streets I don’t know, dressed out of place, in an area that could be rough as anything…and yet I don’t get a whiff of trouble. Kinda like wandering San Jose on my own, only without the constant risk of becoming roadkill. Can’t believe I’ve walked from moonlight to moonlight, didn’t even notice the sun.

Guise: Ah. The Police…the Rozzers…the Old Bill…the Coppers…the Fuzz…no, wait, my butt is totally The Fuzz right now. Hot Fuzz, baby.

????: …and it’s so lonely here, if only I had company…or my magic wand, yeah, my wand…or, heck…

????: …rabbit would be a nice touch.

Guise: Finally, civilization! Pretty nice properties out in the ‘burbs too, wouldn’t mind a place like this myself. Guess I’m going to have to go door-to-door and see about getting directions, the locals must have some idea about this whole advent deal. Ok, first house…

Guise: Ok, here goes…just ring the bell and nicely tell them “Hi, I’m looking for a magical advent calendar that might be able to transform me from this anthromorphic rabbit form into my regular human self, would you be able to give me directions?” Yeah, this’ll so work…

????: Tappity-tap!

*CRACK*

????: Ok, let’s see what we’ve got ourselves stashed away this time. I hope it’s a convertable or maybe a Humvee…

????: Oh, yay…more tools. You know, those gods are stingy, couldn’t they have just put all my tools in the crate and buried that? This is more like trying to find your car keys on an early morning…or car keys and wife at the end of swingers party.

Guise: Well, this is it, the last house on the block. I can’t believe that everyone seems to be out of their homes today, or that every home looks remarkably the same. They must have a highly organised and anal retentive residents comittee. I bet it’s armed too.

Guise: Can’t see anything through the window, but it’s light inside. Everywhere is so quiet too. Maybe I’d have been better scouting the woods…there was just as much life there…

Guise: Nothing! And that’s the last house on the only block in the suburbs. I guess that means I’ll have to venture deeper in to the city…go to the bad side of town…the wrong side of the tracks…

Guise: …go forth in to the corrupt and pustulent urban sprawl where all manner of twisted, deranged, wicked and sinful being dwells…what horrors await? What horrors indeed?

????: …they’ve obviously taken great effort in this place. No arcana materials, no herbs, no chalk or anything for marking, and totally magic proof. I doubt even the gods or the power of the Duchess could even scry in here. I just wish they’d left me with a mirror, I must look an absolute monster after the last few days. No…actually…I wish they’d left me a toilet! Oh, I wish…I wish…

????: …I wish…

• Day 1 (Pt 1): Guise gets Bunny-fied in a random act of Christmas magic
• Day 1 (Pt 2): Guise wanders the Playmobil wilderness and two mysterious characters are NOT introduced!
• Day 2: Guise wanders the Playmobil wilderness STILL. The mysterious man gets some rather suspicious goodies. Two advent calendars still hide their secrets!

Guise: These feet are made for walking/And that’s just what they’ll do/Stones and snow between my toes/I’d kill for a pair of shoes. Man, I miss my Converse’s right now…and my hoodie…and my iPhone…and Facebook…and Twitter. So quiet and boring here, could do with catching up on some tweets….

*flutter flutter flap flutter*

*tweet tweet tweet tweet*

????: Ok, this should work. On 3.
1
2
3!!

????: YES!! And as far as anyone knows I got that throw in on the first take! Now to give it a hefty tug and no more hassle to box opening!

????: …just…a…little…more…

????: ….Oooof…damn it…think I broke my ass bone.

????: Aw Yeah! The family is all back together now, kids. Despite all the hardships we’ve faced and how far apart we’ve been, Daddy has come home and found his precious little angels in time and bought us all home. Christmas is saved.

????: Look Mr Grab, it’s your little brother, Mr Smash. Aw, I love you kids! And there’s Little Miss Toolbox, and we all know how you both like to fit inside her together…wait, what?

????: …they haven’t even read me my rights. Where the are the cops anyway? When I get home, I am so calling a lawyer. Home. *siiiigh* Home…

????: …sweet…

????: …home. *sigh*

• Day 1 (Pt 1): Guise gets Bunny-fied in a random act of Christmas magic
• Day 1 (Pt 2): Guise wanders the Playmobil wilderness and two mysterious characters are NOT introduced!

Guise: Oh man, for a stark, barren two-dimensional wilderness it certainly goes on for miles. I feel like I’m nowhere closer to town than I was yesterday. If this is more of that Playmobil magic slowing me down then I call ‘unfair’ on this whole deal. And where the hell are the gifts, surely if I’m stuck in this place I should at least be stumbling on some boxes.

????: So this must be the infamous Playmobil Advent Calendar. I thought it was just a legend; a scare story for kiddies. Be good or on the last night of November…but, it’s true…everything…how it gets you…Oh my god, I remember! I remember!!! Ok, think this through, I came out of a box, so I’m part of the plan now, guess I’ll have to play their games…but I’ll need supplies, they’ve cut me off.

????: Ah, Box 2! Wait, isn’t that my face? What is this, a Saw movie and a test of my vanity?! Well, I do have very nice designer stubble, if I do say so myself!

????: There must be a way to get in, a weak spot or some hidden trick…ah…yes…yes…there it is, I’ve figured it out…

FALCON PUNCH!!!!

????: So, let’s take a little look-see and check out what the Playmobil gods have blessed me with today. Well, hello there, long time no see buddy!

????: Woohoo.

????: Hey, who took my loot?!?!

????: This isn’t right. The voice of the Duchess told us both what was meant to happen, this wasn’t in the plan…someone betrayed us, betrayed the gods…but who?!

• Day 1 (Pt 1): Guise gets Bunny-fied in a random act of Christmas magic
Box 1


Guise: Well, this is just perfect…seriously, what could be better than being transformed in to a Playmobil bunny? You know, besides NOT being transformed in to a Playmobil bunny! At least I got to be the cute one and not some psycho cotton-bitch-bum. Man, what am I going to do?!



Guise: Ok, Guise, think straight. You’ve been an Advent-urer since the Box 23 thing, you’ve taken part in Christmas conspiracies and all, you can solve this. Obviously it’s some twisted Playmobil magic or Amalthean Rabbit God test, or someone spiked my drink with rabbithypnol. All I have to do is find some counter magic or something, maybe I can get a new pair of slippers out of this.



Guise: First thing’s first, get out of this tree. Not talking to myself should probably be first, but…



Guise: Maaaan, that was a long way down, so many branches and needles and lights and baubels and WHERE THE HELL AM I?! This is so not my living room carpet, what trickery is this? It looks like a diseased and dead wasteland…or Bridgwater, same diff. Dead trees and muddy ground. Spooky hill with dark trees. All it needs is…

Chipmunk: *snuffle*

Guise: …phew…

Wolf: Arrrrrrooooooowwwwwwwwwwllll.

Guise: …crap. *Sigh* My only hope is to find those Playmobil calendars and take the chance that there is something in there that can help me get back to normality…well, normality for me. If only I had my iPhone, DugalMaps would be so useful now. I have to find those calendars, but I could be miles away!



Guise: Miles and miles away!



Guise: …and what if I don’t open them? Who knows what happens to unopened Advent Calendars?! Well, besides Matt, he knows everything. Evil could occur. Eeeeevil.

Meanwhile


…

*Scratch*



…

*Scratch Scratch*

…

*Scratch Scratch*

…

*Scratch Scratch Scratch Scratch*



*CRACK!!!!!*

????: Yeeeees!!



????: Is anyone out there? I need some help here! If you won’t help…



????: …I’ll just have to help myself!

…elsewhere…

Guise: Aw man…freaked out now…



Guise: Great! A town! Maybe I can get directions or help, at the very least they might have a bar I can drown my bunny sorrows in. Every here is so dead, where’s the life and magic and…and…love…?

…elsewhere…


…another elsewhere, but closer to Guise…


????: …oh my head…for the love of the Duchess, what did I do last night?!



????: …head is all blurry and throbby…and look at this place, so much graffiti and cigarette butts and blood stains and ‘other stains’ and WHERE THE HELL AM I?!



????: …this is so not the walk of shame from the boys dorms.

Who is the masked man with the knitted cap? Where has all the forest life gone? Will Guise ever get his cottonbum to the bar? Who is the winged woman? WHO KNOWS?!

To be continued…

]]> http://www.rogues.1me.net/blog/2009/the-great-guise-advent-rip-off-day-1-part-2/feed/ 3 http://www.rogues.1me.net/blog/2009/the-great-guise-advent-rip-off-day-1-part-1/ http://www.rogues.1me.net/blog/2009/the-great-guise-advent-rip-off-day-1-part-1/#comments Tue, 01 Dec 2009 23:59:05 +0000 Guise Dugal http://www.rogues.1me.net/blog/?p=811 Wow, been a long time since I updated. In the meantime I’ve tried my hand at daily vlogging (which is a lot harder to do when nothing interesting has gone on), changed jobs and am still in the process of settling in to having the homestead all to myself. However, that’s the past and the present is advent, which is a fun little rhyme, and as no doubt people visiting here will be aware that means it is time to decorate and observe/participate in X-E’s Advent Calendar, but for me this year is special. This year, for the first year ever, I managed to find Playmobil calendars.

Those who watched my vlog on 03 October 2009 may recall my initial find, and those still watching by 30 November 2009 will know that I not only bought one, but I bought an extra two just in case!

The Playmobil Advent Calendars are both wonderous and frustrating, for as much as I love them I still feel it’s a little cheapened that there is a fair bit of ‘parental assembly’ required and it’s not ‘good to go’ out of the box. I can understand the assembly element for LEGO, but the Playmobil actually warns parents to do it. Actually, no, LEGO isn’t so great either, they could box the stuff for you.

I’m also a little disappointed in the flimsy card backdrops. I know I shouldn’t expect much, but Happy Meal boxes are sturdy than the ones Playmobil ships out. If I had kids, and the kids were anything like me, the backdrops would be destroyed before Box 2 was even found on the calendar.

But with it being the first of December, and given how last Christmas was rather bleak because of all manner of personal issues, we decided as a family to put the tree up early and get some Christmas magic going. Ok, in actual fact, I decided on that and the rest of the family wisely decided to stay away from my place for the duration.

Was the result magical? You decide!

]]> http://www.rogues.1me.net/blog/2009/the-great-guise-advent-rip-off-day-1-part-1/feed/ 1