The most common examples of the perceived insanity tend to include the train with brake systems that require the completion of mathematic problems at both ends of the train, finding the right combinations to unlock seemingly mundane areas of the building or physical versions of logic problems.

These often seem to be crazy to the player, and in some cases the character, as they explore the facilities and make it so that there is a feeling that this would be completely unworkable in the real world. However, I’d like to put an alternative view across: We aren’t smart enough to be Umbrella employees.

I know that might seem as a simplistic statement, and indeed it is, but even the characters we play in the games aren’t, for the most part, smart enough to be Umbrella employees. Umbrella recruits highly trained doctors, professors in wide ranging fields, mathematicians and engineers. It would not be a far leap to expect Umbrella to recruit people above degree level, even custodial staff may be required to pass numerous IQ and personality assessments.

If you’ve ever commuted to work on public transport, you’ll spot people in business suits doing sudoku and crosswords. If you’ve seen documentaries on hackers and computer specialists, you’ll have seen how the most successful tend to frequently challenge themselves with logic problems or cryptographic puzzles. In fact, MIT have a longstanding tradition in things like their puzzle hunts calling on a broad spectrum of knowledge and physical activities like urban exploration and construction (usually for elaborate pranks).

If instead of thinking of the Umbrella facilities as a deserted, zombie-infested labyrinth you consider that the facility was filled with high IQ technicians who frequently challenged themselves – and whom the corporation actively encouraged to test themselves to keep skills fresh – then you could well see that these puzzles may actually just be a distraction from the grind and something that, because it is part of life there, could probably be solved in a heartbeat by the regular occupants.

Puzzles in the system may well be set by other employees as an acceptable prank that, at most, would get rolled eyes by supervisors and as long as it didn’t interfere with anyone else’s work, and was switched off before visits by the executives, then a blind eye was usually turned.

No doubt if there were employees left whilst we explored the facilities, they’d be of great help in getting past puzzles, it would be second nature to them. Sadly, we are strangers to the Umbrella corporation and therefore find the concepts strange and see only problems.

Umbrella embraces genius and challenges its employees to improve themselves and hone their skills. Umbrella are a good employer, we just aren’t smart enough to work for them.

Mr Lyttle, at the age of 75, was ordered by the local council to leave his £1m Victorian property, originally two properties that he combined in to one four-storey, twenty room home. The reason behind his eviction was down to his chosen method of home renovation, that of making an ever increasing basement under his neighbourhood over the course of forty years.

According to The Guardian newspaper at the time:

Since the early 1960s, the man who owns and lives inside the £1m Victorian property has been digging. No one knows how far the the network of burrows underneath 75-year-old William Lyttle’s house stretch. But according to the council, which used ultrasound scanners to ascertain the extent of the problem, almost half a century of nibbling dirt with a shovel and homemade pulley has hollowed out a web of tunnels and caverns, some 8m (26ft) deep, spreading up to 20m in every direction from his house.

Their surveyors estimate that the resident known locally as the Mole Man has scooped 100 cubic metres of earth from beneath the roads and houses that surround his 20-room property.

(Source: After 40 years’ burrowing, Mole Man of Hackney is ordered to stop, The Guardian, 08 August 2006)

The house itself was in danger of collapsing in on itself and the effects of his digging became apparent several times, from power outages where he struck cables to massive cracks appearing in pavements.

His efforts at creating a subterrainian kingdom in the outskirts of the capital city may have been rumbled eventually, but it certainly took some time and he has finally been given his punishment for his underground endeavours.

‘Mole man’s’ £300,000 repair bill

A pensioner who created a labyrinth of tunnels under his house over 40 years has been forced to pay £300,000 for repairs carried out by a council.

Excavations by William Lyttle, 77, who is also known as the “mole man”, almost caused the property in Mortimer Road, Hackney, east London, to collapse.

Hackney council evicted him in 2006 to allow work to stabilise the house.

The High Court ordered him to pay the amount within 14 days or the property could be sold to pay the bill.

It is understood Mr Lyttle inherited the 20-room four-storey detached property from his parents.

The house, which is dilapidated, could be worth more than £1m if renovated.

On Monday the High Court also extended an order which bans Mr Lyttle from going near the property to ensure he does not damage the restoration work.

Since he was evicted he has been living in temporary council accommodation.

In 2001, his digging led to a 15ft-wide hole in the public footpath.

Fiona Fletcher-Smith, of Hackney Council, said: “Mr Lyttle’s actions had led to his home becoming a danger to himself and to the general public. Making the property safe is a matter which has incurred considerable expense to the Hackney taxpayer over a number of years, and we are extremely pleased that the court has agreed we should be able to recoup the cost.”

Following the order, neighbour Dean Dawson said: “The council has been pussy-footing around him for years. They would just check that any work he did had the right planning permission. There has been a distinct lack of action. I’ve got every sympathy with him (Mr Lyttle). He’s just a bit eccentric and a bit of a recluse. But it does grate on residents when they’re told to take down satellite dishes and you just look across the road at all that he’s got away with.”

(Source: ‘Mole man’s’ £300,000 repair bill, BBC, 15 April 2008)

One of the things that really gets me is the total Britishness of the response from Mr Lyttle’s neighbour, in that despite a neighbour burrowing under the properties and communter area, the actual villains are the council for letting him get planning permission while they had satellite dishes removed.

Sometimes I get the feeling that if terrorists were to set off nuclear weapons in this country, decimating buildings, lives and power infrastructure, then we wouldn’t object unless it disrupted the buses and then we’d be vehement against the Government’s poor transport policies. Oh, and that they interrupted the TV with all those Protect and Survive films.

We’ll start with the most audacious of plots and work backwards, shall we? That way we can work on budget constraints!

Option 1: World Domination – Plan #5037 (Operation: Licking the Liech)

Conquer existing country and claim it as your own, forming an equivalent to Latveria.

Liechtenstein: no retaliation for Swiss ‘invasion’

Swiss soldiers accidentally crossed into neighbouring Liechtenstein yesterday.The Swiss army is not renowned for its aggressive expeditionary adventures – but it does appear to have accidentally invaded Liechtenstein.According to the Swiss daily Blick, around 170 infantry soldiers from the famously neutral country wandered more than a mile across the unmarked border with the tiny principality.The incident happened yesterday morning and the Swiss troops turned back – probably slightly sheepishly – after they realised their mistake.

A spokesman for the Swiss army confirmed the story, but said that there were unlikely to be any serious repercussions for the mistaken invasion, the Associated Press reported.

“We’ve spoken to the authorities in Liechtenstein and it’s not a problem,” spokesman Daniel Reist said.

As well as the obligatory Swiss army knives, the troops were armed with assault rifles – however, they had no ammunition, Mr Reist said.

Officials in Liechtenstein, which is on Switzerland’s eastern borders, also sought to play down the incident.

Markus Amman, an interior ministry spokesman, said nobody in Liechtenstein had even noticed the soldiers. “It’s not like they stormed over here with attack helicopters or something,” he said.

If the Swiss had decided to invade and annex Liechtenstein, which has a population of around 34,000, it probably would have been a walkover. Liechtenstein is a quarter the size of the Isle of Man, and does not have an army.

The Swiss / Liechtenstein episode may stir memories for some of an accidental invasion of Spain by British marines five years ago after they misplaced Gibraltar while on exercises, much to the alarm of local fishermen.

(Source: Guardian online, 02 March 2007)

If the Swiss can make an invasion, then anyone can. The trick is to get a group of British Royal Marines lost enough, so that they end up in the double-landlocked country. This may prove difficult, but given our boys, nothing is impossible if we have faith. To quote the Guardian’s other article:

The marines beat a hasty retreat and went off to find the real Gibraltar. This, locals observed, was easily recognisable because it had a 1,398ft high rock sticking out of it.

The benefit of Liechtenstein, besides its non-existent military, low population for revolts and existing free-enterprise, it can simply have one letter removed to sound ominous.

On capture, it would become Lichtenstein. Genetic, medical and prosthetic sciences would be welcomed, obviously.

Of course, it needn’t be a military coup, as I know I can just buy land on the Austrian and Swiss borders and build a few temples, coliseums and theatres, and wait until their land just becomes mine!

Option 2 World Domination – Plan #5038 (Operation: Mole-X-Station)

Taking the Buffy the Vampire Slayer line “from beneath you it devours” as inspiration, and this time not for ‘romantic liaison’, comes this plan. A repeat of the TURNSTILE/Hawthorn bunker in Wiltshire, or an underground NORAD complex, but in a place much more deserving of secret bases: Siberia!

World’s biggest hole

It could perhaps be mistaken for the hole left in Roman Abramovich’s bank balance after his reported £5bn divorce today.

But it is in fact a diamond mine which is the world’s largest man-made hole.

The Mir Diamond Pipe in eastern Siberia plunges 574 yards into the frozen earth and its vast mouth has a diameter of almost one mile, making it clearly visible from Space.

The 220-ton rock-hauling trucks that travel down the road to its bottom take two hours to return back to its lip and look like matchbox toys against the gargantuan rock face.

Fifty years ago today since it was discovered, the mine is now largely disused since its official closure in April 2004, but its legend lives on.

(Source: Metro online, 14 March 2007)

This one could be slightly difficult, building a base of operation in an existing military power isn’t usually too good an idea, and the area is quite renowned to the government. In fact, the BBC Photo journal: Postcards from Russia website lists the town of Minry as ‘strictly off limits to outsiders without a special permit and the authorities regard any foreigners with considerable suspicion‘.

The Hawthorn complex was a 35 acre complex accessible by a private railway station, with a private line connecting to the main British rail network at Box Tunnel, with accommodation for nearly 4,000 people, industrial-sized kitchens, a bakery, a canteen, laundry, hospital and a pub. The entire facility was self-sufficient, with its own electricity generators, water purifiers, and air ducts.

The Cheyenne Mountain facility, home of NORAD, sits within a 4.5 acre grid of excavated chambers and tunnels, but behind the solid rock mountain walls.

However, with the size of this hole you could fit an entire Resident Evil Hive Complex under the surface. The hole at the top of the mine is 1.25km in diameter (which I work out to be an area of 3.85sq. km or 951.35 acres), with a depth of 525m (0.33 miles). The hole is deeper than the Sears Tower, or even the Taipei 100. You could definitely fit all your needs for an underground facility in there and then cap it off.

As far as disguising the facility, there is the Resident Evil approach of having a mansion put on top of it staffed by trained agents and filled with booby-traps, or if you prefer the Cobra approach, then go for an old-fashioned Wild West ranch as seen in the GI Joe episode “Where the Reptiles Roam”. Personally though, I’d be tempted to put a small shopping centre on top or a museum, attract a lot of innocents to the area.

Option 3 World Domination – Plan #5039 (Operation: Red Island)

A simple real estate deal going badly can lead to the creation of a wonderful inner city island project, leaving you safe from the local authorities, but a little screwed if you run out of toilet roll.

Home becomes an ‘island’ in building row

As far as planning disputes go, it is a far cry from letters of complaint to the council over an unsightly conservatory.

After a row with developers, this family’s home has been left perched 12m (40ft) up on its own concrete island.

It all started when they refused to accept compensation to move and, while the row rumbled on, the bulldozers excavated the site around them.

Rumoured to have government connections, the family is not expected to be forced out.But popping to the shops might be a bit difficult.

And as for getting the car out of the garage – well, who knows?

The house is in Chongqing, central China – the fastest growing urban centre in the world, with more than 4million residents.The boom is fuelled by strong economic growth and the 2008 Beijing Olympics. But behind the scenes is a debate, that has been raging for ten years, over the need for a law giving legal protection to private property in a Communist state.(Source: Metro online, 11 March 2007)