If you don’t know what I’m talking about, read more here.

Tom Greenacres’ Sent Box
by Guise Dugal
Emails from the Sent Items box of Tom Greenacre, an administration clerk in the records department of Beaver City Medical Centre, the second largest hospital in Beaver City and located four miles from the city centre.

A Zombie story from the Creepy and Crawly series
by Dio
Taken from her supernatural adventure series, Creepy and Crawly, the story follows the gang as they fend off a horde of the undead.

From: Tom Greenacre
To: ‘Phil Valentine’, ‘Carl Oliver’, ‘Darrell Ross’, ‘David Castillo’, ‘Hugh Eckland’, ‘Jerry Woodhart’, ‘Angie Oakford’
Time: 03:12
Subj: Anyone out there?!

Hey, anyone out there? Been stuck in Records since yesterday afternoon and we’re getting cabin fever, thought I’d try email. Please, anyone?

- Tom

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If you are not the intended recipient you should not disclose, copy
or distribute information in this e-mail or take any action in reliance
on its contents. To do so is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful.
Please inform the sender that this message has gone astray before
deleting it. Thank you.
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From: Tom Greenacre
To: ‘Carl Oliver’
Time: 05:48
Subj: RE: Anyone out there?!

Carl, man, it’s great to hear from you!! Is everyone doing ok over there, have you heard from anyone else?

I have no freakin’ clue what is going on, but Matt in here was dropping stuff off to ER yesterday and said there was a lot of fighting near some patients who had been bought in by ‘medics, seemed to be having a right go at the docs in there. Next thing we know everyone is getting ready to leave and we get a call from main building and they tell us we’ve got to stay here for ‘quarantine’. What’s up with that?! I mean, you’re in the main place, what have you heard?

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From: Tom Greenacre
To: ‘Carl Oliver’
Time: 06:07
Subj: RE: Anyone out there?!

Carl, that’s messed up. You guys don’t even get out of switchboard to take a whiz and get herded, still at least ending up in canteen means you get food. We’ve been here since last night and we’re getting by on a packet of chocolate covered raisans and re-using the same tea bag for the hundreth time.

Why are they asking you to check each other out, what are they looking for? Should I be checking out the people here?

—————————————-

From: Tom Greenacre
To: ‘Jerry Woodhart’
Time: 06:09
Subj: RE: Anyone out there?!

Jerry!! Thank god, I thought I’d need a new gym-buddy. Glad you ended up somewhere warm, haven’t heard much but Carl from switch is in mail to me, he’s tucked in main building too at the canteen, they got a whole load of patients and staff in there.

Don’t give me that crap about hating having to watch kids shows, we all know about your pokemon collection.

—————————————-

From: Tom Greenacre
To: ‘Carl Oliver’
Time: 06:32
Subj: RE: Anyone out there?!

Carl, WTF?! ‘nobody has any change’? Is the entire principle behind ‘looting’ escaped you guys? I think breaking open the fridge, or hell the vending machines, is an easily recoverable loss! I’d kill for just a Snickers now. In fact, there’s a few in here that I’d kill just to sniff a Snickers wrapper. Seriously, I’m so glad that Policy team had that meeting in the suites today instead of having to share with them and the rest of this floor. To be cooped with those asses overnight would be too much.

What do you mean by bites, like fleas or something? Is this some shitty ‘black death’ quarantine with mites and bugs?

And screw you, when I said ‘checking people out’ you know I didn’t mean that…well, ok, not for everyone. There’s a few here that I’d like to offer a thorough examination! If I’m going to be stuck in a hospital, I want to play doctor.

BTW, heard from Jerry W. up on 3rd Floor Paed, he’s sealed in with some nurses, a bunch of kids an two docs. Bastard has a tv room with cartoons.

—————————————-

From: Tom Greenacre
To: ‘Carl Oliver’
Time: 06:56
Subj: RE: Anyone out there?!

Human bites? Well, I got everyone to check for bug bites, but I think they’d notice if some guy chomped on them, it’s hardly subtle. I guess unless theres a ninja stealth bite attack the hospital knows of. I’ll get everyone to check, but man, watching out for infectious bites is just a little too R.E. for me, mate.

Actually, I can stand Marcus, it’s that ass ‘Bob’ I’m pissed at. Seriously, three months since he moved and he’s turned in to a total tool, only time his head comes out from up his ass is to kiss the ass of management. He was ok here, while he was ‘Rob’, ok he was a little arrogant, but now I reckon he just plays it for an act. He always fails at small talk and speaks in ‘corporate formal’ all the time. He asked me if I’d like to schedule for a coffee the other day to discuss workload informally, I thought screw it and took quarter hour off to bitch about the job with Angie and Dave.

—————————————-
From: Tom Greenacre
To: ‘Phil Valentine’, ‘Carl Oliver’, ‘Darrell Ross’, ‘David Castillo’, ‘Hugh Eckland’, ‘Jerry Woodhart’, ‘Angie Oakford’
Time: 07:41
Subj: DO NOT GO OUTSIDE!!!!!

Claire, Jimmy and Jean just went to try to run across from our building to the back of the main building, see if they could get to one of the machines to get some snacks, not sure what the hell happened but we heard Claire screaming, next thing is Jimmy and Jean running back. Jimmy is shaken, keeps mumbling. Jean’s clothes are torn and covered in blood, and she has huge cuts and shit. She keeps saying about being attacked. We get her inside and try and do what we can, suddenly the door is being banged against and all I can say is thank god for the security door cards, there was a small crowd out there, trying to get in. They looked sick as hell.

Keep yourselves where you are!!

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If you are not the intended recipient you should not disclose, copy
or distribute information in this e-mail or take any action in reliance
on its contents. To do so is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful.
Please inform the sender that this message has gone astray before
deleting it. Thank you.
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—————————————-

From: Tom Greenacre
To: ‘Carl Oliver’
Time: 07:58
Subj: RE: DO NOT GO OUTSIDE!!!!!

I shit you not, man. Jean is in terrible shape, the gash on her neck looks really messed up and she’s going pale as death. They are still banging downstairs too. Don’t say the ‘Z’ word though, I know I joked about it for ages about whether we had a policy on what to do, but that was just to take the piss out of that bunch of asses – of course, now I wish they’d listened when I suggested emergency shotguns and fire axes, screw the fact they didn’t want to do a damn Health and Safety risk assessment.

—————————————-

From: Tom Greenacre
To: ‘Carl Oliver’
Time: 08:22
Subj: RE: DO NOT GO OUTSIDE!!!!!

You are so not going to believe this!!

Seems that though ER can get in the shit about doing CPR and breaching a Do Not Resuscitate rule, that doesn’t affect when the bastards go for a wander themselves!! Terry, one of the girls here, was over in ER when ‘medics bought in a near-DOA yesterday, she said before she left he was pronounced gone. Bastard is right now pressed up against the double-glazing and drooling.

—————————————-

From: Tom Greenacre
To: ‘Carl Oliver’
Time: 08:44
Subj: RE: DO NOT GO OUTSIDE!!!!!

Oh man, I can just see that: “my husband said that he if he died, he didn’t want to be bought back by any means…now he’s outside nibbling on a nurses brains…and you know how our religion feels about organ transplanting too. what are you going to do about it?!” Should be training ER doctors in stethoscopes and sawn-off shotguns.

—————————————-

From: Tom Greenacre
To: ‘Angie Oakford’
Time: 08:58
Subj: RE: DO NOT GO OUTSIDE!!!!!

The mortuary? Why the hell did you go to the mortuary?!

You just keep yourself safe and keep in touch.

—————————————-

From: Tom Greenacre
To: ‘Carl Oliver’, ‘Jerry Woodhart’
Time: 09:02
Subj: RE: DO NOT GO OUTSIDE!!!!!

Angie is ok, I think. Trying to get more from her, but she’s in mortuary.

—————————————-

From: Tom Greenacre
To: ‘Angie Oakford’
Time: 09:48
Subj: RE: DO NOT GO OUTSIDE!!!!!

OMG, Angie, that’s disgusting. Are you sure you are ok?

But, the place down there is clear, I mean the guys on the slab are staying there, right?

—————————————-

From: Tom Greenacre
To: ‘Carl Oliver’, ‘Jerry Woodhart’
Time: 10:02
Subj: RE: DO NOT GO OUTSIDE!!!!!

Holy crap, see below from Angie:

From: ‘Angie Oakford’ To: ‘Tom Greenacre’
Time: 09:39
Subj: RE: DO NOT GO OUTSIDE!!!!!

We were kinda trapped and didn’t get much other choice, lol.

We were all walking between shift and saw ahead of us patients attacking doctors and other nurses, so we went to backtrack, but found more patients, they were covered in blood and acted like they were lepers or something, all gangly. But we noticed that they kinda only went to places where it was busy or noisy, they got distracted a lot by shapes of people, so we kept dodging and thought we could maybe find a way out by the back halls.

We kept following halls where there were less of those guys, they were awful, looked like they were rotting in front of us. Then we found a place where there were none of them: the mortuary.

Liz sometimes comes down here to drop off and collect bloodwork, so her card works on the door and she said it was thick and solid, so we went in. I’ve never been there before, but it is freezing and smells of disinfectant and, well, I guess death or old people. That was like an hour or so now, but that isn’t the worst and god it’s sick.

You know Dr Mandlebury, the creepy guy who is always stubbling and sweaty, in charge of mortuary? He was, well, carving lunch. Out of patients.

I know what you are thinking, but srsly. Mandlebury was slicing bits off, and he already had some in containers!! God knows how long he’s been doing it!!

He actually offered us some, told us he’d been expecting something to happen and he’d known that he might have to ‘resort’ to it. The guy wasn’t resorting, he has a fridge with sandwiches and a damn candy vending machine in the hall, we found people bits in tupperwear. The guy was a psycho, more so than those freaks outside.

He freaked when we tried to leave, tried to grab Roni, but Al stepped in. The guy is our hero, srsly. He smashed a fire extinguisher in to the sick bastard, knocked him down cold.

We’re ok now, Roni and a couple of the others are a little gone, but we’re ok, we’ll be alright.

I don’t know what to say, but fuuuuck.

—————————————-

From: Tom Greenacre
To: ‘Carl Oliver’
Time: 10:24
Subj: RE: DO NOT GO OUTSIDE!!!!!

It’s freaking me out no end, Carl. If it’s not whatever is happening to those guys out there, it’s trying to work out what physically healthy but mentally psychotic whackos we have running about. Watch your back, last thing we want is to guard against the violent freaks and then end up fending off some asshole with a hypodermic fetish or a Dr Giggles wannabe.

Screw tea, I need a coffee, quadruple Irish.

—————————————-

From: Tom Greenacre
To: ‘Phil Valentine’, ‘Carl Oliver’, ‘Darrell Ross’, ‘David Castillo’, ‘Hugh Eckland’, ‘Jerry Woodhart’, ‘Angie Oakford’
Time: 07:41
Subj: Going Out!!!!!

Ok everyone, I know I said not to, but I’m going crazy now. I know it’s been quiet, but…shit. Ok, Jean passed away, but she didn’t, we left her in a store room so we didn’t have a body in the room, we knew she was gone, but then Jeff was going between rooms to see if he could find more supplies and she fucking burst through the door, bit a chunk out of his neck. We had to gang up on her, breaking the neck seems to work.

We don’t want to sit here to wait though, we think we can get to the car park and make a dash, maybe get to the centre of the city. If we can, we’ll get everyone help. I have my laptop, can get my work mail from it, so keep me informed, we’ll get you out.

Angie, going on Carl’s idea, you should be ok. He reckons these are disease freaks, not some sort of voodoo crap or whatnot, so you should be ok amonst those deadies, just don’t read aloud any books bound in flesh.

Carl, Jerry…best of luck guys, I’ll get you guys help I swear, even if we have to hit a sporting goods place and ride back with rifles and baseball bats.

I love you guys.

- Tom

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If you are not the intended recipient you should not disclose, copy
or distribute information in this e-mail or take any action in reliance
on its contents. To do so is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful.
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deleting it. Thank you.
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Jigsaw being a gifted child, who is adept at building with LEGO, knex and other such sets, as well as trying his hand at puppetry and ventriloquism, for which he is teased by his peers.

The juniors version of Jigsaw would continue with the modus operandi of using ironic traps that related in some way to the misdeed committed by his victim, however in a twist each of Jigsaw’s traps would also have a basis in a common, well-known game.

The first game is Hungry, Hungry Hippos for the child who was always stealing Jigsaw’s lunchbox or lunch money. Jigsaw slips something into his juice and drugs the bully. When the young man wakes up it is in total darkness and all he can detect is a feeling of movement around him. He finds a small radio on his chest which crackles and a voice plays through.

“Hello Jimmy, or as they call you on the playground Jumbo. You are currently floating in a boat in the middle of the hippopotamus enclosure at the city safari park and it’s getting near to dusk when the hippo’s will begin feeding. You’ve always said you needed the extra food for energy, well now we’ll put that energy to good use. I’d like to play a game, Jimmy. Let’s play Hungry, Hungry Hippos.”

Jimmy would then have to get out of the boat and towards shore, because hippos are reknowned as aggressive, fast (around 20mph), territorial creatures, they are known to attack humans and boats. Poor Jimmy would have to splash about in the water and much fun would happen.

Dio at the time asked about how a Fireball Island trap might play out, which, in case you didn’t know, is a game that she has a deep love for. To me the method would be simple and even who should get punished was obvious, though saying it like that might imply I was messed up as a kid or am now.

The Fireball Island trap finds a boy awaken inside a large area, surrounded by ‘jungle gym’ equipment. It soon becomes obvious that the only way out is to climb ladders, cross platforms and swing on ropes, however, should he try this several tumbleweeds drenched in gasoline are ignited and kicked down the slides intersecting his path. His message plays over a tannoy in the rafters.

“Hello Bryan, you like to scare the children away from the jungle gym at school so that you and your friends can smoke. Well, I hope you took the time on the playground to pick up a few tricks, because we’re about to have a ball.”

Of course, the floor is also covered in a puddle of gasoline, so staying still isn’t an option.

Frakkyfire then suggested Candyland for another game. On this one I was torn, because I’d already used the glutton of the class and it seemed a bit cliched to focus on force-feeding, so instead I took a different route for the test subject and a small leaf out of the Dr Who serial “Happiness Patrol” for the trap itself. For this test, Jigsaw takes one of the pretty, popular girls (think Ashleys from Recess) who always turned her nose up at him, and places her in a cuboid tube with her hands restrained behind her. At face level there is a niche in the tube that holds a small red button a few inches back. The opening to the niche has a waterfall of boiling, unsweetened lemonade constantly cycling. After the message plays, icing made from sugar, pink food dye and water will begin to pour in from the roof. The message plays from a small radio on the floor.

“Hello Claire. Sugar and spice and all things nice are what little girls are made of, except for you. You seem to enjoy being sour to those you consider under you. We’re going to play a game now, high above you is a container of frosting that will slowly fill the tube and match you facade of sweetness, all you have to do to stop from drowning is come face-to-face with your bitterness.”

Another obvious choice for games comes in the form of Snakes and Ladders, for the two-faced person in the class who pretended to befriend a young Jigsaw and then helped the other bullies to perform a nasty trick on him, all the while laughing in Jigsaw’s face. The boy wakes up dangling by one arm, his hand in a noose connected to a fraying rope, beneath him lies a vat with a few stolen, poisonous snakes inside. All around the side of the vat are hanging rope ladders, all of which have several missing rungs or are fraying in places. The only way out is to traverse horizontally as well as vertically.

“Hello Jake. You are the type of person who takes enjoyment in lifting people up and then thrusting them down to new depths, you poison their spirit and you constrict their hopes. You speak with a forked tongue, but you should hope you move like a sidewinder.”

You can’t really leave out Operation either, which I think would be the most gruesome of all the games. Tethered to an operating bed by a leash around the neck and to a belt at the waist, the child wakes to find he has several stitched up scars on his body, each scar has a metal ring around it on top of the skin. A small, metal crochet hook is in his hand. Both the hook and the hoops have wires trailing from them, the hoop wires leading to the negative side of a transformer, the hook to the positive side. Upon touching hook and hoop, the circuit becomes complete. Under one scar is the key to the leash, under another the key to the belt. The gender, I’m not actually decided on, but for irony the ‘crime’ is in regards to playing ‘Doctor’.

Mousetrap, featuring a room with lots of tables with an array of mouse, bear and other animal razor-sharp traps. There is one door out, but it is locked and every trap has a key or set of keys on it, should the child get caught though, the traps are sharp enough to slice through fingers and crush bone. Oh, and the floor is covered in rats. This punishment is obviously for a class thief.

The final game, which actually would be played out throughout, would be Guess Who? and is intended for the teacher, headmaster or appropriate adult. They awaken in a copy of the classroom Jigsaw was bullied in, all of the class with the exception of the victims of the games are sat at desks in front of the adult. A small television plays footage of the tests as they roll out. The adult and the class are all say in electric chairs. Laid out before the adult is a board similar to Guess Who? featuring the flip down cards bearing the faces of each student and the front card is their own. The adult has a small stylus pen on the desk. The introduction to the adult comes as the television switches on.

“Before you sits both a question and an answer, if you know how to find it. The question is simple, who is ultimately responsible for this suffering? When you know, mark their card and dismiss them from class.”

Of course, the board is rigged and pressing the stylus against a card sets off their chair. Additionally, the adult can use the board to stop an escape from a game and seal fate. On a death, the persons card flips closed by some internal mechanism. Ultimately, they are left with the answer that they are to blame, having ignored the problem or even contributing to it.

Oh, and I found this on DeviantArt and it’s far too fitting not to include:

Little Jigsaw’s sAw world by ~CutieHorrorGirlie666 on deviantART

(PS. As you can probably tell, family friendly theme has started to run its course, so starting tomorrow I think I’ll focus on…I dunno, zombies maybe?)

“Somewhere in the dark and nasty regions – where nobody goes, stands an ancient castle.
Deep within this dank and uninviting place lives Berk, overworked servant to The Thing Upstairs.
But that’s nothing compared to the horrors that lurk beneath The Trap Door.
For there’s always something down there, in the dark, waiting to come out… “

Such an ominous opening when placed in to text, invoking images of dark seclusion and frightfulness, it might come as a surprise then to actually see the opening, more than read about it.

The Trap Door doesn’t seem so scary once you know that it’s composed entirely of brightly coloured, stop-motion animated creatures. The series featured around the blue plasticine character, Berk, a servant to The Thing Upstairs – a creature that is never fully seen, but his appearance is hinted at by shadows and comments from the other characters. Berk does all the chores around the castle, though his main duty is preparing meals for The Thing Upstairs. Berk lives in the servant quarters with Boni, a talking skull who frequently moans about the goings on, and Drutt, a pesky spider.

All of the adventures in the forty episodes of the series involved something held beneath the trap door breaking loose, or wandering loose if Berk had just been careless. Under the trap door, lived a variety of monsters and creepy crawlies, which would wreak havoc within the castle until captured or otherwise stopped. The monsters ranged in styles and features, as the closing lyrics suggested “Creepy, crawly, slimy things that stick onto your skin; Horrid things with tentacles that want to pull you in; Squirmy, worms, slugs and snails that lie there in a goo; They’ll wait down there forever till they get their hands on you”.

The Trap Door was a great series, running from 1984 to 1986, and was a marvellous blend of simple animation at it’s most effective and great voice talent – especially considering that only one voice was used, the late Willie Rushton. The series also spawned a video game during the 80s that was released on the ZX Spectrum, Amstrad CPC and the Commodore 64.

The episodes were only five minutes long, so have easily found their way on to YouTube, allowing those of us who saw it as kids to watch it again, and to let those who weren’t kids with us to enjoy it for the first time. So, for those of you who didn’t get to see it, grab some Monster Munch or a Fudge bar, and an Um Bongo and let’s just chill.

Monster Munch are corn-based snacks that are molded in to what is commonly accepted as a monsters paw design. The crisps were originally produced by the Smiths company in 1977, the flavours were Roast Beef, Pickled Onion and ‘Saucy’, though were later taken on by Walkers and have been through a whole range of flavours including Flamin’ Hot, Spaghetti Sauce and Hamburger, Bacon, Cheese, Cheese & Onion, Prawn Cocktail, Salt & Vinegar and strangely Vanilla Ice Cream. The main flavours these days are Pickled Onion, Roast Beef and Flamin’ Hot.

The shape of the crisps became an icon and most british kids of the 80s grew up on Monster Munch crisps, helped along the way by the monsters that promoted the snacks in adverts and appeared on packs of their favourite flavour. The main monsters were: Pink Monster, a tall, gangly and furry creature with a long neck and tongue (he looked like a fuzzy ET to me); Red Monster, a tall monster with one eye bigger than the other; Orange Monster, a rather squat monster, best known for his love of Pickled Onion; Blue Monster, a floppy eared creature with four arms, multiple feet and a red and white striped hat; Yellow Monster, one-eyed and red-nosed creature.

Walkers eventually replaced the classic monsters and packaging with newly designed monsters that looked smoother and more CG-orientated, each being just a generic hulking character in either Red, Mustard Yellow or Purple. The traditional packaging of a cartoony monster on a solid colour background replaced by the CG monster on a dark ‘spooky’ foil background.

The original shapes of the crisps were actually meant to represent the features of the monsters, the ‘paw’ actually being the single eye, with lashes, of the yellow monster and a second shape was the ‘head’ of the pink monster – though it was basically a bumpy circle. For some reason, Walkers decided to change the size of Monster Munch to being crisps large enough to wear as a ring to about half the size.

The replacement of the characters and the changing of size were both going to be points I was going to complain strongly about, but then recently in a wave of nostalgia, Walkers released old size Monster Munch in original style packaging as Mega Monster Munch. Apparently, they planned to even bring back the old advertising and are offering a reward for the return of lost costumes. Walkers even include on the packets a “Where have [they] been” section, and it appears that Blue monster took the rock and roll lifestyle, his memories are blurred and I’m putting that down to substance abuse – he always seemed the most likely to be the drummer.

As part of the fun of Halloween, I sent these crisps out in care packages to Dan and his lovely lady, and to Dio (who I believe shared with her boyfriend). As I’m only going to wax lyrical and nostalgic about the tastes and appearances of these snacks, maybe I should leave it up to those guys should they wish to comment on them.

What would Halloween be like without the thought that somewhere it was possible a witch would be concoting a potion in a black cast iron cauldron or a mad scientist was combining fizzing chemicals in to a dastardly formula? Well, ok, it would pretty much be the same, but now you know that you want to believe that those things are going on, somewhere in your neighbourhood.

For the Halloween season the Coca-Cola company has embraced this mad science and magic, releasing parts of it’s range under the Party Potions banner, primarily focusing on the six-packs and two litre bottles of the Sprite, Dr Pepper and Fanta range (including Zero versions and multiple flavours). Somewhat cheaply the actual promotion only seems to affect the bottle labels and the plastic wrap around the cans, leaving the cans looking disappointingly mundane.

Dr Pepper has been branded Batwing Brew, the packaging covered in the severed, individual wings of bats. Fanta Orange Zero has become Bloodshot Orange Eyeballs, despite bloodshot eyes tending to be more red and pink, I suppose ‘decomposing zombie orange eyeballs’ was a bit much, and the package is covered in orange eyeballs. Sprite has become, in the best of the naming in my opinion, Frog-leg Lemon and Slime, with the pack covered in frogs legs.

What I love about these cartoony images is that they do show the individual limbs, and not the whole creature they come from. They make no mistake in recognising that the best part of putting animal parts in a potion is that you have the gruesomeness of removing the parts first.

As well as changing the packaging and adding a kooky theme name, the drinks actually become ingredients themselves, with the packaging inviting you to “Mix em up!”. Each pack contains a scroll illustration with a recipe or method of serving a combination of the drinks at a party, from ‘snotty jelly’ to making a severed hand in a punch bowl. All of them requiring extra ingredients, primarily fruit.

I’m not quite sure how appealing the idea of mixing some of these together is, given the strength of flavour on their own and I might need to try some of these out. Rest assured, if I do you will know about it. If you can’t rest assured, rest in peace.

If anyone is wondering about the other part of the promotion, they are offering a 2 for 1 entry to Halloween attractions at UK theme parks and places of interest.

It always seems to be the case that where you find gruesomeness, where blood and gore is presented alongside psychopaths and the occult, you will always find a small part that chooses to make the element cute and appealing. I know some people might protest, arguing either on the side of taking away the meaning of a charact by creating something sweet or those who argue that making something cute will develop an interest in to something that will scar a young mind. Well, if kids can get adult-style clothes, they can get a plushie Pinhead. In fact, why not a plushie Pinhead in a jack-in-the-box, the puzzlebox was meant to play a tune after all.

While browsing I came across some adorable ‘stocking stuffers’ for Halloween, which echoes the thoughts held by many about the shifting of the nature of the day towards a more ‘creepy Christmas’ day of marketing and sales figures. Personally, I’m not object to that, I like Halloween and am always quick to chime in when someone mentions how many days until Christmas with how many days until Halloween. I digress, however.

The stuffers are simple beanie toys of horror icons, with four in the set (unless you count the Pumpkin plushie, but that was sold under a different label). The four characters are Witch, Vampire, Frankenstein’s monster and Devil. It’s a simplistic mix with an interesting design, the facial expressions tend to remind me of the style of Boris Hoppek.

Frankenstein’s monster, I’m still uncertain about this guy, because I really want to believe that he’s actually a generic Zombie, but I don’t think ASDA would just make that when they could have a Frankie plush. He’s a simple guy in a brown top with torn sleeves. His skin is green. He’s pretty much a nobody.

The Witch strikes me as being the kooky one of the group, dressing all goth in her black hat and dress, and then wearing bright blue booties, she’s also got no hair. She’s pretty much a combination of Luna Lovegood and Grotbags.

The Vampire evokes more memories of Eddie Munster than of Dracula. I really like that they have given him deathly white skin, pointed ears and a widows’ peak in his hair, and I’m loving his purple and black clothes. The only slight problems I have is the reuse of the mouth, thus giving him normal gritted teeth and not fangs, and that his high, pointy collars are white and don’t match either his purple or black clothes.

The Devil. This guy is my absolute favourite of the group, completely without question. He’s completely red apart from his facial features, and they’ve added a pair of horns and a pointed tail to the little guy. What’s more, everyone knows how much I can empathise with a horny devil.

I’m a little surprised that there isn’t a werewolf included, a ghost or maybe a skeleton beanie, but what is available is pretty cool. These little fellas sell for £1 each, which is just under $2, and they do make great filler gifts. I actually have sent some out – to Dan and his lovely lady, as well as to Dio – as part of some trick-or-treat care packages, because it’s never to early to enter a season of giving, even if it is the season of the witch.

in a brief overview of some of the more common legends. At that time, the lovely Dio raised the topic of Spring-Heeled Jack and I said that I’d plotted a post in the future.

Seeing as I seem to have covered a little on stalking, shadowy strangers it seems appropriate to say that the future is now. So, as she called it some 6 months ago, it seems fitting to dedicate this post to Dio – enjoy reading about a twisted individual who likes to rip girls clothes with some level of desire to ravish them.

The first time I ever heard of Spring-Heeled Jack was through the toyline Monsters in my Pocket, those highly collectable figures of the 90s. The entire mystery of just who this figure was, coupled with such a cool sounding name, made hime one of my favourite characters and one of the few that I was never disappointed to end up with duplicates of. His name evoked memories then, and still do, of an old black and white movie I saw one Christmas about Jack the Ripper and considering how the two are linked to Victorian England, the link is far from unreasonable. (For more information about the MimP line, check out Matt’s great review on X-Entertainment.com)

MimP depicted Jack dressed in suit jacket and trousers – both of which seemed to be a little undersized and inelegant for him – wearing huge, clunky shoes, and adopting a position that was meant to imply his readiness to make a sudden leap or else light a release of flatus – his grin and general positioning made it questionable. Interestingly, around his eyes he had what appeared to be flames, but which in the comic series was simply a mask.

Intrigued by the character, I actually read up as much as I could in the library, most of the information coming from small snippets in encyclopedias and the occassional small books of legends. Jack is a true example of legend too, being based on real life accounts given by victims of his accounts and then evolving in to a figure of supernatural mystery.

The legend of Jack, beyond the reportings of the day, had been used by parish priests as a warning against sin and bad behaviour, as well as by parents who would warn children of this bounding character who should they misbehave was quite capable of reaching their bedroom window no matter which floor they lived.

Most of the descriptions of Jack came from people accounting to be witnesses of his attacks, giving information to the police or the media, these accounts may perhaps have been sensationalised in reportings or exaggerated in the telling. Jack was frequently described as having a varying degree of demonic appearance, often commenting on clawed hands – or in some reports he wore metallic claws at his fingertips – and eyes that were like “red balls of fire”. Frequently he would be stated to be dressed as a gentleman, which given Victorian standards would be very well dressed and likely in a very tailored suit, often with some form of cloak; other accounts keep him in the cloak, but often illustrated almost like the leathery wings of a bat, and wearing a mask or helmet. He would also often be described with those hallmarks of devillish appearance that we still attribute to characters today, those of a goatee beard, pointed ears, and horns.

Several reports claim he could breathe white or blue flames.

I’m often reminded of how Batman gets interpreted in the series and, in particular, the start of the Tim Burton movie. A character who is little more than a man in costume, well-trained and with a penchant for theatrics, earns a reputation of actually being not human to the people he stalks.

Of course, Jack’s main feature was his agility, with all descriptions tending to point at his fleet-footed escapes and ability to leap over hedges, gates and walls, and even to dash and leap across rooftops.

Reports of Jack apparently started in 1837, with early accounts ranging from a simple spot of a sinister figure leaping a cemetary’s high railings and a young lady who Jack seemed intent to molest – kissing her, ripping her clothes and touching her bare skin. Reports in 1838 saw him attack teenage girls, often demonstrating his fire spewing attack and his skill at ripping young ladies’ gowns.

There were of course differing opinions on the truth behind Spring-Heeled Jack, some stating that it was a, possibly wealthy, person following a wager with some rich friends on whether or not he would dare to dress up and scare the heck out of people, others pointing to a member of the aristrocracy, Henry Beresford the Marquess of Waterford. This latter is not overall surprising, as there were plenty of suspects in the 1888 Jack the Ripper case that were from the aristocracy, wealthy or from wealthy background. It appears that there was a prevalent theory that the aristocracy of the day were just as likely to be energetic rapists or prostitute killers as they were to be dependents on the state and fortune.

Whether Jack was a demon, a random nutter, a guy running about on a bet, or a bored and twisted aristocrat, I still find the stories of Jack to be intriguing and the character still holds much fascination with me.

(PS. Next week, things will be a little more child-orientated around here. Don’t worry, it shouldn’t last long!)