The Ramblings of Guise Dugal » squirpions

Real-Life Secret Squirrels

Guise Dugal — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 20:33:40 +0000

Before I get started, I wanted to state a minor gripe about the inadequacies of some people when spelling scorpions. I can understand one or two people having the misspelling occur, based on only ever hearing it pronounced by someone with an impediment or alcohol problem, but why must there be those who insist on spelling it squirpions?

Now, it just so happens that there is a creature with the name squirpion (Sciurus Scorpionida) and I have commented a few times on its species and particular traits. I can only believe that somewhere along the line there is going to be one huge, humourous tragedy of situational comedy style, as someone tries to find how to tackle a nest of scorpions in their basement.

Speaking of squirpions, Discovery News provides a very interesting report on a scientific study that further validates why squirrels can be a good base model for a nightmarish hybrid creature.

Squirrels Fake Out Would-Be Nut Thieves
Squirrels may be small and furry, but they’re also clever tricksters, suggests a new study that describes how eastern grey squirrels engage in behavioral, and perhaps even tactical, deception.
The study is the first to present evidence that any rodent deceives. It’s also one of the first to document deception in the wild, since most other related studies have been conducted on captive critters.
The free-living squirrels mislead to protect their stashes of nuts and acorns, which they store, or cache, for later consumption. When storing food, they first excavate a shallow pit that they dig with their front paws.
Then, with the food in their mouths, the industrious squirrels push the item into the base of the pit “often with several thrusts of the entire body.” Finally, they drag their paws over the site to cover it with soil and debris.
Scientists, however, noticed that the squirrels would turn their backs on other squirrels and go through the whole storage ritual without even dropping food into the holes.
“In deceptive caching, according to our definition, the animals cover over empty cache sites, or alternatively move a few meters away from a cached acorn and perform covering behavior,” lead author Michael Steele told Discovery News.
Steele, an associate professor of biology at Wilkes University, and his colleagues observed this hide-and-go-seek food deception among squirrels at Kirby Park in Wilkes-Barre, Pa.
Co-author Sylvia Halkin then led a second experiment on the campus of Central Connecticut State University. In the experiment, one person provided the squirrels with peanuts, a second monitored squirrel behavior and a third person actually pilfered nuts from the rodents.
The findings are published in the current issue of the journal Animal Behavior.
When the squirrels detected the human peanut pilfering, they initiated their deceptive behavior by covering sites where no food had been stored. They also made more of an effort to cache nuts in more remote places, such as under bushes and in tree nests, stumps or cavities. They even resorted to eating nuts rather than storing them.
The squirrels did such a good job at digging fake storage holes that they often tricked the human pilferers, who had trouble finding the peanuts. Other squirrels, even with their heightened sense of smell, can also be foiled by the deception.
“It appears that other squirrels are able to watch a caching squirrel and then go directly to the cache site, even if chased or interrupted in their path to the cache site,” Steele explained. “However, once they arrive at an empty cache site, they give up the search as soon as they discover that it is empty.”
Squirrels aren’t the only animals caught in the act of deception. Steele says that deception is relatively common among primates and social carnivores.
Humans, of course, are among the most skilled individuals at deception, as any given moment in a Las Vegas casino might prove. While there is no doubt that we consciously deceive, the scientists can’t yet prove that squirrels make a tactical decision to fool others.
Lisa Leaver, a senior lecturer in the School of Psychology at the University of Exeter, said no one has yet proven that squirrels can understand the intentions of others, which would mean that they possess “theory of mind,” so she thinks it’s possible squirrels simply act based on trial and error.
Steele, however, suspects that squirrels are indeed tactical deceivers. He hopes future research will confirm these suspicions that he and many a bird-feeding homeowner have.
(Source: Discovery News, 21 February 2008)

Tactical decievers indeed. Being able to hide a cache of food, as well as mislead others in to false locations, would work very well with the scorpions ability to bury itself and strike out at its prey. This would give the Squirpion hybrid a further ability beyond the gliding dive attack.

A cunning Squirpion would be able to trick cats or young children in to carefully investigating a clump of dried leaves that it had previously formed in to a mound, while lying in wait just a few inches away, ready to strike.

Related Items:

More On Squirpions… (22 February 2005)

Evil Has A New Face…And It’s Furry (22 February 2005)

More On Squirpions…

Guise Dugal — Tue, 22 Feb 2005 17:53:00 +0000

Just on Squirpions and Super-Squirpions.

“They strike during thunderstorms,” the wisened old man said, chewing on the end of his old wooden pipe. The glint of his eyes still visible through that choking haze. The girl opposite him rubbed her gloved hands together, a sign of the worry she felt inside her from what she had seen the night before.At first she thought the old man mad when he had warned her the previous week of creatures that infested these estates, now she wanted to know all the secrets this man knew. She had followed his request for the guiness and obliged in his request to start his pipe, despite her own dislike at the odour. She had not even moved back when the old man ha leaned in, bearing his yellow-brown teeth in the wide smile and spoke through his his foul breath.

“First you hear the skitter of paws. The front claws tap quickly and run across the metal inside an an air vent, or the wood beneath your floor boards. Then as you, half awakened from your slumber, look to the air vent you see that it is illuminated above your bed by the sudden flash of lightning. They watch you as you lay there, their eyes barely twitching the entire time, gleaming with reflected light. They extend their arms towards your frame, their pinchers opening and closing in anticipation.

As you try to focus on their shadowy form, the thunder crashes around you, and that is when they leap! You see, they use these skin folds to glide down to your half-sleeping form, landing atop your bed or even your body so lightly that you barely feel their presence. Perhaps it was a dream, but then on the next crash they lunge their spiny tail, it’s tip diving into your milky flesh and you feel the pressure of their poison as it moves into your veins and it will be the last thing you feel.”

The old man sat back, his body seemed to have been drained from the telling of his story. He moved slowly, unbuttoning the top of his grey shirt and pulling back the left side to reveal a deep fleshy scar, “You never feel their pinchers, but you watch as they rip into you, your eyelids can not close the entire time. It is like a nightmare you are unable to change. Once they’ve had their fill they will hide once more, pray that they find their way out elsewise they will remember their easy prey. You must be aware of the dangers and fear the Squirpion!”

Eerie thing is, I had the guy from the Jasper Carrott story of getting rid of moles in mind when I was writing this, “Ar, there’s only one way to get rid of a mole…BLOW ‘IS BLOODY ‘EAD ORF!”

So, heres some details on the Squirpions

The Squirpion (Sciurus Scorpionida) is a rather new addition to British wildlife, it’s origin and evolution are mostly unknown and they are more often found in a grey furred variety.Unlike most squirrels, the Squirpions are commonly nocturnal, with major peaks of activity 2 – 3 hours after dusk and 2 – 3 hours before dawn in summer and a single evening peak in winter. They do not hibernate, nor suffer much from wet and cold, they are also accomplished swimmers and have found in ponds retrieving fish.

They are found rarely in the countryside, but tend to live in built up areas where they have taken to feed on smaller scraps of food during all seasons. The Squirpions are mostly omnivores, but are also established as hunters of larger prey, such as fish, rodents and in packs birds and small kittens.

Squirpions attack their pray using their sharp tails that can inject a non-fatal toxin into it’s prey that has a paralysing effect, while the prey is still conscious the Squirpion will use its strong, sharp pinchers to tear at flesh and nibble away while still fresh. This allows the prey to be returned to or released. Often a Squipion will use it’s inherent gliding ability, utilising loose areas of stretchy skin to make a parachute, to fall from high spots onto prey and strike quickly.

There are reports of hungry, stray Squirpions being found attacking humans, this usually results in a few hours of paralysis and scarring, but aside from any emotional anguish there are no lasting effects. As Squirpions are nocturnal, the most common attack on humans comes from squirpions trapped inside houses and on often on sleeping victims.

The most common occurences of attacks on larger prey often takes place during thunderstorms, and it has be theorised that the attacks may be tied to stresses caused by atmospheric pressures.

An even rarer variant of the Squirpion is said to exist once in every generation, these possess a greater strength and viciousness than common Squirpions, and are the variant most commonly associated with attacks on humans. This variant has been witnessed tearing fabric or leaves to make artcles to adorn it’s body. Though the belief is there is only one in each generation, the number of sightings indicate that this variant is more of a proportion of the populace and occurs as an off-shhot of the race. These have been dubbed the Super-Squirpion, Hero Squirpion or Ugly Vicious Bastard.

Tink, I’m so sorry. Really I am!

Evil Has A New Face…And It’s Furry

Guise Dugal — Tue, 22 Feb 2005 13:44:00 +0000

After so wonderfully gave me a pictorial cooked breakfast after Spin failed to deliver (promise breaker!) we talked about the irrational fears bit, as Spin not only asked me yesterday but managed to torment Tink with visions of her fear. Well, if anyone gets to be evil and heartless I demand it be me!

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

……….Some Time Later……….

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

Me :

Tink :

I’m really sorry, but that was just the most inspiring mental image. Demonically evil mutant squirrel-scorpion hybrids!

I want to know what episodes of Pokemon Tink has been watching that it looks almost like a character. Still, “Squirpion, I choose you!”.

Oh, and I was discussing world domination with my brother, as you do, and I had an epiphany : I never want to be able to rule the world, not even with an iron fist.

Think about it, if you conquer the world there’s an awful lot of work afterwards that I don’t think most evil overlords appreciate, from setting taxes to land rights and animal grazing. Sure the tributes are great, but you can probably get more from ransom on an increased frequency with the madcap schemes. It’s a bit like Sim City, after a while it’s bound to get boring and you’ll just hand over responsibilty to someone else.

No, random attacks, inducing fear and fighting to take over the world is much better than actually succeeding in it.